When I get mad and have to punish one of my kids (which all parents know really does hurt us more than them), the worst part is after they have been punished, ie, sent to their rooms, grounded, or whatever, they always tread really carefully around me. I hate that the most, they act as if I am going to be eternally mad at them. Laura and I are careful to make sure they know that we love them, but we have to teach them right from wrong. Caeden will come and sit next to me, just barely touching me with his bottom lip quivering. I will put my arm around him and he will sob and say he is so sorry, then ask to be "Off grounding". Aevry is different. When she has been punished, she will shout at me later on, "I'm not a bad girl"! Then she will give me the silent treatment until I approach her and hug her, then she loves me again.
Who am I like when I have been punished. The contrite. Or the angry one who shouts at God until He let's us know he still loves me. I think a little of both. Punishment sucks, but is needed for us, at least for me. I have always needed to learn the hard way. Some examples:
I got the ex girlfriend pregnant in high school, the very first time I had unprotected sex.
I have been thrown in the clink 5 times for "Minor" crimes. (They didn't hurt anyone...Come on!)
I was the guy that smoked and drank when everyone told me it wasn't good for me, then I had a massive coronary at 19.
There are many more embarrassing stories, but I will spare myself for today. I don't know why I have to learn that way, but I do. I have to get caught and I have to get busted to figure out that what I was doing was stupid. I do learn though. I thank God for everything He has ever done to teach me the correct way, even if it sucked at the time. God is good even when He seems angry with me, even when I am angry at Him. When it is all over, I realize that God taught me something and for that I should be happy because if He never punished me that would mean He had given up and stopped caring. May God never give up on me.
Sing.
Migrate.
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Sunday, January 11, 2009
If God Is Not Too Angry With Me
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
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It cracks me up when she yells "I'm not a bad girl" through entire time out. I definitely more like C ;)
ReplyDeleteIt would be kind of funny to see someone our age yelling at God, "I'm not a bad boy!"
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, you've helped a lot of people because of what you've been through.
Wow, Zombie! What a testimony. My pastor preached yesterday (YES, I GOT TO HEAR A SERMON FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A YEAR! ALL THE BABIES WERE WELL) on being made strong through our weakness. It was such a blessing for me because I have felt like a complete failure for 4-5 months. Just a complete utter failure. The result, now that I have lost all confidence in myself, is that I rely on God's grace entirely. I KNOW I am insufficient. His grace IS sufficient. God bless you!
ReplyDeleteYour kids are the opposite. For real...!
ReplyDelete