On Day 13 Of My Funk

Is it a mid-life crisis, if you aren't middle aged and it has been going on since you could pee on the potty? My wife fears my eventual mid-life crisis like she fears the ghosts that cause clanging in your furnace. I can't say I blame her, because I have had this crisis (See the previous post for a description) going on for as long as she has known me. What will happen when I really am getting old. When I have to get prostate exams, and stress tests, and take Viagra. I think I have the potential to be a menace. I'll be the old guy with the print shirt that reads, Bubba's Tractor Repair, and through my hair that has been doused with product, you will see spots that are not as lush as they used to be. My wife says I will be one of those guys that don't get ugly with age, but get Shaun Connery like? I'm not so sure though. The thing I fear is that my head will shrink, but leave my ears and my already prominent nose to go through some sort of weird growth spurt. I'll keep going back the places I lived twice a week (Right now I go about once a week, no lie). I am only 30 and I feel like I am 20. I look like I am 25, so they all tell me. But why am I acting like I am 40? Anyways, that is one of the things that bring me pain.

On another note, I have begun my weird fall to winter rituals which includes some weird sleeping preferences that drive my wife crazy. Last night I slept on the couch with all of the windows open, the ipod on some sad, but peaceful music, and then turned on the heater for some warmth. I plan on the same tonight, because there is nothing better than waking up with morning dew in your hair from sleeping next to the window. Anyone know what causes such weirdness? Is it some weird, mother's womb depression or something. I sometimes imagine myself in the middle of the ocean, all alone in the middle of the night in a little dingy floating around. For some reason, this puts me to sleep, but if it really happened, I think I would be pretty scared. I assume that this has something to do with the unconscious comfort of the womb, being that the water is swaying, and I am alone and it is dark. Who knows. I will keep you up to date with my rituals as they develop.