Every day I get up and sit in front of that computer to work. The first thing I do is check this blog, then the email, then I google my name to see if anything I have done has made a difference. It is pathetic I know, but I do not think that I have done all that I was meant to do. I don't want my high school glory stories to be the biggest thing I remember, I want to do things that I can see making a difference. One of the drawbacks of being a youth pastor, is that you rarely see the results of what you do. Too often, you see progress in the students you have had for the last 4 years and then they go off to college and do some pretty dumb things, just to come home distant from God in their lives. There are a couple of cases where I can see the effects of what God is doing in this ministry, but it takes too long. I want results now. I want to be able to see these kids walk through those gates myself. I guess I want that for really, really selfish reasons though. It doesn't make my work any easier, it only brings my encouragement level up a bit, and sometimes my pride which isn't good to have any of.
I have this delusion that one morning, I'll get up and sit at the computer and Google my name and pages and pages come up. Maybe I did something awesome without knowing it. Maybe something I wrote or said inspired someone to change the world. Maybe I won some sort of prestigious award. In dealing with my inevitable death, I have begun to panic in realizing I haven't reached my own goals I set for myself, which is fine, but is it wrong to set really big goals? I don't think so. God says, in his heart a man plots his path, but the Lord sets his feet down. I think it is OK to dream big as long as we are willing to deal with the fact that those dreams may not be what God has in mind for you. Maybe this is what God has planned. I hope not, but it maybe true.
Anyway, I will now go back to writing my sentences. I have committed to writing 100 times, "It is pathetic to Google your own name every day."
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Monday, October 27, 2008
My Special Purpose (The Clean Version)
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
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Even though you may not find your name attached to any major world altering event, you have made a large impact on everyone that comes into contact with you. You have had a strong influence in my life and I know I wouldn't be the same person I am today had I never attended your Youth Group. I believe that these small, everyday impacts are much more meaningful to God than just one major act that gets publicized all over the internet. I am confident that He is proud in everything you've accomplished, even if you are not aware of it.
ReplyDelete-Steve
Thanks Steve. I am really proud of you. And I miss you, when do you come home?
ReplyDeleteI'm absolutely with Steve on this one.
ReplyDeleteMe and Pat would not be who we are today without you. I'm positive.
I won't be home until Thanksgiving. But I will be able to make it to The Feast!
ReplyDeleteThe Rockstars lead a youth group too back when we only had 3 of our 9. I know what you are saying, I encourage you knowing that there is no immediate gratification in doing your job.
ReplyDeleteMostly people angry with you in one way or another ... I get it. But here is the cool part, it was 6yrs ago that we led our band of misfits. Our kids are on the other side of college now and we have gotten our share of thank yous and seen some go on to do good things for Christ.
It is hard work. It is like throwing darts .. sometimes when I walk in front of you and you throw them it leaves a mark. Others ... you may miss entirely or they have a garbage lid as a shield to their soul.
I know for a FACT that you are part of the reason I have such a strong faith in God. I see him working in you and its an inspiration. Us youth group hooligans could never forget you, and I think you affect more than you realize. :)
ReplyDelete-Tata
i've realized that the ability to encourage is a gift given by God. i know that i don't have it because encouragement does not flow readily from me, even though i have seen many things worthy of encouragement and reinforcement. i'm not really sure why but i'm also sure that many others have the same problem. though you may not hear these kind of words that pump life into your actions and ministry, i have no doubt that your service has had a great impact. my old youth pastor showed me to Christ and i'm positive that i never adequately thanked him for it. nor do i report to him the blessings poored out on me nor the things i do to bless others. i know that you already know these things but knowing you won't receive encouragement doesn't make anybody feel any better about not having it.
ReplyDeletemy job is similar. we bring broken people in and fix them up then they are gone. no way to know if they recovered. no way to know what they were able to do because of my efforts. largely, what i do is unnoticed by those most important, the patients. they don't know how hard i work to take care of them and they never will. they are drugged up. i'm not the doctor so i will not see them later to see the results either. anyway, you get the point.
i believe the Lord blesses our efforts though and that even if you see only the flaws in the things you've done, he will have made your actions fruitful. perhaps we can hope to see all the lives we've helped in the afterlife and they will be giving praises to God.
also, in case i've never said anything as i'm almost sure i haven't... you are a gifted teacher and i've always known that about you. your story is an incredible testament to the grace of God and i have no doubt that he has used you to impact the lives of many. he will continue to do so.
at least you're spending time doing something you care about. you could be like most of us stuck behind a desk on the verge of anxiety attack, counting the minutes, everyday, bc you just dont want to be doing what you're doing.
ReplyDeleteThis is true. I do love my job. It has it's frustrations, but overall, I could be doing nothing better.
ReplyDeleteBeing a Dad is SUPER important. You are raising the next generation to be a light in a increasingly dark world.
ReplyDeleteAdam... For real, you are awesome and God uses you all of the time. Who cares if your name comes up on google searches?I am glad that you enjoy your job. Everyone who goes there enjoys it too. You rock yoe!
ReplyDelete