I am at peace today. I had a rough day yesterday. I felt lonely all day, then kinda down. Last night I was laying in my bed praying and it felt good. It doesn't always feel good to pray. Sometimes it hurts. It isn't always comfortable to express yourself to an all knowing God. To try to explain experimentially what He already knows. Not easy always to admit what a complete underachieving idiot I have been. But other times, when I really need it, He feels there to me. I prayed and read some, then off to sleep.
I awoke a couple of hours later with this overwhelming feeling of peace. The house was quiet, my wife was sleeping next to me, the kids off in some dreamland somewhere I wish I could access. I opened my eyes and I thought, "I want you more than life." Probably because I heard it n a song earlier talking about some girl he later found out he needed like a hole in the head. But I meant it to God. Those words meant something. They carried weight for me. I have told God that a million times and meant it every time, but this time I meant it in a different way. Like when you are hungry after not eating for a few hours: You say, "I'm hungry." But the phrase has a whole new meaning if you haven't eaten for a week. It occurred to me in some spiritual way that I want God more than anything. I lay there awake for some time, not at all frustrated at not being able to sleep. If God wants to wake me up like this, and feel this way, do so every night. If He wants to speak louder than I can ignore Him, let Him talk my ear off, even if the things He is saying isn't what I want to hear because the feeling of hearing anything God has to say to me is joy to me.
I have felt my God closer than my skin all day.
May God touch you.
Sing.
Migrate.
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Thursday, November 13, 2008
I Want You More Than Life
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
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I read this and think how lucky you are. How nice to be touched by God in a night of turmoil. Relativity rings in my head. Lack of achievement? According to who? In a guy who is walking with God? Life. We eat. We sleep. We work. We love. Some of us eat more, sleep more, work more, and love more. Some far more, some far less. None of this matters. We are here for a limited time. How is Achievement measured? I guarantee we will continue to eat, sleep, and love. I cannot guarantee anyone God, if they do not choose him. The most important achievement. Now, what should we do on Earth to please God? Whatever it is should bring us never ending joy.
ReplyDeleteThat was a peaceful read.
ReplyDeleteTonight I went to a sex trafficking conference held by a non profit Christian organization which rescues women and children from it. As we listened to speakers and women talk about being rescued and all that they endured in their troubles something in side me was singing and I felt alive. I am glad I read this blog to see you are feeling it too.
ReplyDeleteLove this post.
ReplyDeleteYes, more than life.... I want God more than life too.