What makes a person forget how to sing? Sometimes it is just a lack of practice. Everyone who has been a believer for more than 10 years would probably agree that the months and years directly following their conversion, if they had a conversion experience, some just always believed and couldn't name a moment, that those times were golden. They remember singing, they remember staying up late with their Bibles, they remember taking notes on Sundays, they remember trying to convert all of their friends with very limited success, they remember not caring what others thought about their conversion, they remember not having any thoughts other than those of their new King. I remember those days vividly and treasure them beyond anything else.
But sometimes the gold can't stay.
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
--Robert Frost--
But when I say that, I mean only memories, only precious times that seem so innocent, when you yourself seemed so innocent. Not that the gold that is God ever goes anywhere, but the way we experience it changes over time just like a love that you have with your spouse changes over time. It doesn't go away, it doesn't diminish, it just changes, it gets better.
Years later, after you have experienced further learning, sat through and participated in so many debates, watched so many believers slander each other, been beaten down and discouraged, laughed at, been hurt by the church, dragged through the world and all it's temptations, the gold loses it's luster a little...or a lot for some.
Sometimes we stop singing for a while, then next time a while longer, until we haven't sang in years. It isn't like riding a bike, you don't just shape up and be full of joy. It is God given. It comes with prayer. It comes with brokenness.
We have so much to sing about, we should practice.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Nothing Gold Can Stay
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Where's Waldo?
Day 3 of VBS was pretty great.One of my long time students taught the children for the first time and it is always nice to see a teenager step out of trying to be cool and give their fears over to God and reach out to another. It isn't hard to want to help these kids. Possibly the cutest group of kids I have ever seen anywhere. I will post a couple of them below.
This above little one who I still cannot pronounce her name, it's like Yaire or something, latched on to one of my staff (Brittney) on the first day we arrived and has been attached to her since. She really really likes to get in trouble and do the opposite of anything she is asked to do, and randomly disappears for long periods of time only to be found attached to Brittney. She runs to to the front of the line when we are handing out candy and grabs a handful and runs away laughing as we chase her. We all love her.
Above is Emmanuel, who somehow changed his name to Jarib over the past winter. He is fascinated with my touch screen phone and has tried the entire time to steal it. He leaned over to me after pulling up the sleeve of my shirt and said, "You talk about Jesus, but have violent tattoos." (Referring to a dragon I have on my right arm) Then later asks about my wedding ring which has trinity symbols on it and I explained the trinity, kind of. Then he said "You're talkin about the Holy Spirit with those violent tattoos on you?" So I picked him up and tossed him around for a while.
I tell you these stories because it is good to give an actual human personality to the faces we see inner city. These are real kids facing really large problems. Right now they are sweet and innocent, but what will become of them once they realize how lousy the world really is and are pressured into things they should never have to be exposed to? I guess that is why I see Jesus in them so clearly: Because I see the potential to show them the way to God early and pray that they do not stray from the path. If they do stray, I pray they will remember the teachings they heard about God, the prodigal son, forgiveness, and mercy.
Some people act as if God is in some Where's Waldo book where they are looking for any sign of Him in their lives. God isn't hiding or playing games. He tells us clearly where He is. He is in the needy, the hungry, the imprisoned, the widowed, the fatherless, the sick, the destitute, and the crippled. If you want to see Him, go there and reach out your hands and He will touch yours. This has been an awesome reminder of that for me. Pray for these kids.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Where God Is
This week is our annual Vacation Bible School service project with Liquid. I seemed to have forgotten from last year how much I love these kids. We volunteer at an inner city Detroit church to facilitate their VBS every year. God lives here. The streets are littered, the houses burned down or boarded up, and the people are mostly immigrants. Most of the kids have nothing, just little poor kids from the neighborhood, but so full of life and personality. It still amazes me that I live 10 minutes from where they sleep every night, some squatting in abandoned houses.
It is a reminder that this is where Jesus lives everyday. We have been given the opportunity to make a difference in these kids and show them that God loves them and looks to redeem everything around them.
There is this one little girl who lives down the street who comes every year. We know from one of our staff social workers that she isn't in the best situation she could be in. We know just from looking at her. My friend and I watched her walk home down a street we would never let our kids walk on alone to a home that was probably unfit to live in. It is heart wrenching to watch her go, and he says "If I followed her home, I would not sleep tonight." We all feel the same way.
No one thinks about her. We go about our lives everyday worrying about stupid things as she struggles to maintain. But this is where Jesus lives. Not in the stain glass. Not in the church buildings or creeds. Not in our greed. Jesus lives in the hearts of these kids. It would do us a lot of good to remember that faith isn't about us, it is about reaching out our hands to those who suffer.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Friday, July 10, 2009
This Is My Suicide Letter
Edited more footage of the movie I have been working on. For those who don't know which shouldn't be too many. I wrote and co-directed a movie based on my life. I know. We went through the editing schedule and turns out we will be done with initial editing in 3 weeks, then will be recasting for a couple new scenes and then we are done. Hoping to finish and have a premiere in October. Here is a teaser for the movie.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
"Christianity"
I will not apologize for being a Christian. I believe that Jesus came as God and human and sacrificed Himself to pay for my sins, past, present, and future. I am living in the reality that I can do not wrong to my God, even though I am full of sin. I will live my life as a sacrifice for Christ, knowing I could never earn what He did for me. This is what Christianity is all about. So I proudly call myself a Christian.
However, many Christians make it hard to not shy away from the very word Christian. It sucks to treat people badly. It sucks to act like you have everything figured out. It sucks to judge people as if you know their hearts. It sucks to label and marginalize people classified by their particular sin. It sucks to sing praises to God with your lips on Sunday, then curse others with those same lips any other day.
A reality check from the Bible: Rom. 3:9 What shall we conclude then? Are we any better? Not at all! We have already made the charge that Jews and Gentiles alike are all under sin. 10 As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one; 11 there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. 12 All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.” 13 “Their throats are open graves; their tongues practice deceit.” “The poison of vipers is on their lips.” 14 “Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness.” 15 “Their feet are swift to shed blood; 16 ruin and misery mark their ways, 17 and the way of peace they do not know.” 18 “There is no fear of God before their eyes.”
I believe this is why we needed a Savior to begin with. The truth is, we are saved through Jesus, but still are pretty worthless in the grand scheme of things here in these perishable bodies. So if you want to go out and judge other people for their sin, be prepared to identify your own, because you are not without it.
Faith is about brokenness. Without the brokenness their is no need for faith, because you don't need a savior, but if you are like me, and you are, you have needed a savior since the moment your were born. This is why Christ came.
On the other hand, there are people out there like Jay Bakker, a pastor and son of the notorious Jim Bakker, who has started a campaign to apologize for Christianity. He and others believe we are all bad. I will address this now.
Jay,
Are you going to apologize for all of the services performed almost exclusively by Christians, like soup kitchens, orphanages, pregnancy centers, charities, hunger programs, clothes closets, AA, NA, and the thousands of other ministries? Or are you just going to focused on the Crusades and the Christians who act stupid?
I have heard so many people hostile to the Gospel use the term 'Most Christians' or just "Christians" when applying a negative remark. I have to ask these people: Have you actually met most Christians? My Christian friends embrace the hurting people. My friends love unconditionally. You should come and meet my friends, and I think you might see things differently. There are a lot of immature Christians and I hope and pray they keep moving forward in their faith, but do not mistake some for all, that would be a real tragedy.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
However, many Christians make it hard to not shy away from the very word Christian. It sucks to treat people badly. It sucks to act like you have everything figured out. It sucks to judge people as if you know their hearts. It sucks to label and marginalize people classified by their particular sin. It sucks to sing praises to God with your lips on Sunday, then curse others with those same lips any other day.
A reality check from the Bible: Rom. 3:9 What shall we conclude then? Are we any better? Not at all! We have already made the charge that Jews and Gentiles alike are all under sin. 10 As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one; 11 there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. 12 All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.” 13 “Their throats are open graves; their tongues practice deceit.” “The poison of vipers is on their lips.” 14 “Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness.” 15 “Their feet are swift to shed blood; 16 ruin and misery mark their ways, 17 and the way of peace they do not know.” 18 “There is no fear of God before their eyes.”
I believe this is why we needed a Savior to begin with. The truth is, we are saved through Jesus, but still are pretty worthless in the grand scheme of things here in these perishable bodies. So if you want to go out and judge other people for their sin, be prepared to identify your own, because you are not without it.
Faith is about brokenness. Without the brokenness their is no need for faith, because you don't need a savior, but if you are like me, and you are, you have needed a savior since the moment your were born. This is why Christ came.
On the other hand, there are people out there like Jay Bakker, a pastor and son of the notorious Jim Bakker, who has started a campaign to apologize for Christianity. He and others believe we are all bad. I will address this now.
Jay,
Are you going to apologize for all of the services performed almost exclusively by Christians, like soup kitchens, orphanages, pregnancy centers, charities, hunger programs, clothes closets, AA, NA, and the thousands of other ministries? Or are you just going to focused on the Crusades and the Christians who act stupid?
I have heard so many people hostile to the Gospel use the term 'Most Christians' or just "Christians" when applying a negative remark. I have to ask these people: Have you actually met most Christians? My Christian friends embrace the hurting people. My friends love unconditionally. You should come and meet my friends, and I think you might see things differently. There are a lot of immature Christians and I hope and pray they keep moving forward in their faith, but do not mistake some for all, that would be a real tragedy.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Riverboat Captain
I think I could work on a ship. A captain, or first mate, or the guy who slides down the big long rope. I love the water, not so much sharks, but the water is cool. I don't get sea sick, I don't mind working hard sometimes, I love sleep overs, and I would drink a lot of coffee. I would wear the big yellow slicker thing and grow a massive beard. If only you could just work for a few days at a time, then go home, I would miss my family.
I used to want to sail away, me and Gumby used to make these plans on driving across the country and hopping aboard some ship on the west coast and working all summer, or until we reached somewhere nice, then quit and just stay in that city until we got bored. We would do odd jobs with our limitless talent and looks and be happy that way.
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers. I am pretty sure I would have died pretty quickly, not because of my own mistake, but because Gumby probably would accidentally kill me somehow. I just wanted to run and wanted a change, to be someone totally different. Didn't think about the fact that I would catch up with myself soon enough. You can't run. We try so much, but we can't really get away from ourselves. I would drink so much...Always the guy who got too drunk at parties, always the guy who took it too far. Most of us try to escape somehow, whether in alcohol, or hobbies, travel, or whatever. I think the issue is that we look at other people's lives and something about them is different so we make the mistake of believing that person has it all figured out. Meanwhile they are trying to escape somewhere too.
I was in the shower praying yesterday. I have been praying that God show me life to the fullest for the last few years. I never believed I had it or was even close to what Jesus was talking about in those passages and always wondered what was broken in me that would not allow that life to happen. I wanted real and lasting happiness and contentment. I got that on one level, but there is always this thing that holds me back. I don't even know what the thing is, but I know something in me could not move too far forward as hard as I try. So I prayed and prayed for "this life" and never got anywhere. I prayed yesterday as a habit, blindly hoping but not believing that God would answer.
Then He did.
The thing that has held me back is my belief that I am as disgusting as you could be before God. The doubt that I would really stand before God and find my way into His Glorious eternity. I forget about grace for myself. I see it in everyone else. Everyone else is worthy of God's grace, but not me. This is pride. Pride can go two ways: You can think too highly of yourself, and you can think too lowly of yourself as though God's promise is not good enough. That He should come and die for me again and again. What a lie that is. I am ashamed I believe it more often than not.
The answer?
Forget about my past. Forget about my sin, it is gone. Stop breaking down every time I make a mistake, even if it is the same mistake I have made a thousand times. Keep walking, keep breathing, and know that I am forgiven. That is life to the fullest I think.
If someone asked me what life to the fullest meant, I would tell them that.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2009. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I used to want to sail away, me and Gumby used to make these plans on driving across the country and hopping aboard some ship on the west coast and working all summer, or until we reached somewhere nice, then quit and just stay in that city until we got bored. We would do odd jobs with our limitless talent and looks and be happy that way.
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers. I am pretty sure I would have died pretty quickly, not because of my own mistake, but because Gumby probably would accidentally kill me somehow. I just wanted to run and wanted a change, to be someone totally different. Didn't think about the fact that I would catch up with myself soon enough. You can't run. We try so much, but we can't really get away from ourselves. I would drink so much...Always the guy who got too drunk at parties, always the guy who took it too far. Most of us try to escape somehow, whether in alcohol, or hobbies, travel, or whatever. I think the issue is that we look at other people's lives and something about them is different so we make the mistake of believing that person has it all figured out. Meanwhile they are trying to escape somewhere too.
I was in the shower praying yesterday. I have been praying that God show me life to the fullest for the last few years. I never believed I had it or was even close to what Jesus was talking about in those passages and always wondered what was broken in me that would not allow that life to happen. I wanted real and lasting happiness and contentment. I got that on one level, but there is always this thing that holds me back. I don't even know what the thing is, but I know something in me could not move too far forward as hard as I try. So I prayed and prayed for "this life" and never got anywhere. I prayed yesterday as a habit, blindly hoping but not believing that God would answer.
Then He did.
The thing that has held me back is my belief that I am as disgusting as you could be before God. The doubt that I would really stand before God and find my way into His Glorious eternity. I forget about grace for myself. I see it in everyone else. Everyone else is worthy of God's grace, but not me. This is pride. Pride can go two ways: You can think too highly of yourself, and you can think too lowly of yourself as though God's promise is not good enough. That He should come and die for me again and again. What a lie that is. I am ashamed I believe it more often than not.
The answer?
Forget about my past. Forget about my sin, it is gone. Stop breaking down every time I make a mistake, even if it is the same mistake I have made a thousand times. Keep walking, keep breathing, and know that I am forgiven. That is life to the fullest I think.
If someone asked me what life to the fullest meant, I would tell them that.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2009. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Run Away
I went on a trip up north when I was young. My mom was always looking for things for me to do that men do to make up for not having a dad around, so she would ask random guys whom I had never really met before if they could take me up north with them. This one guy had a son about a year or so older than me. He was a divorce kid, so he was spending the weekend with his father. I made fast friends with this kid as he showed me how to ride a dirt bike and hunt snakes. At the end of the trip, he told me he was going to run away from home. I didn't believe him at all, what 12 year old really runs away? So I invited him to come to my house when he ran away and stay in my 4 foot by 4 foot shed. I would bring him food if he could survive the heat and be quiet. I never thought he would do it. The next day I got a call from him from a pay phone 10 miles away, 25 from where he lived. He wanted to know where to go from there. Luckily I knew and I met him at the park across from where I lived. He had only a back pack with one set of clothes and some water. Andy and I had no idea what to do. Do we tell, surely we weren't so stupid as to actually keep him in the shed were we?
We decided to keep him in the shed. It lasted only a few hours before I secretly went inside and told my mom what had happened and she called the kid's dad.
I have no idea the reason or the home life of the kid. I only know that every picture I had seen of a family was broken in one way or another. I think that is the main area of interest to the enemy. To kill the family, the structure of everything that resembles God. It has been working. Marriage is viewed as something that can be walked away from, something that is not final, because it can always be left behind if need be. Or if the "Love" just poof, goes away. All the while culture shows us that life with split homes are healthy and sometimes advantageous to the children and are a viable option if the couple wants to split.
A split family is never advantageous to anyone. I realize that there are many cases of abuse, or one just leaving another that require splitting. I do not condemn that nor would Jesus. I do believe that it is impossible to fall out of love, being that love is an action and a commitment, not a fuzzy feeling we get. I believe that you should not marry if you cannot make a lifetime commitment to the other as the vows clearly state in the death do you part section. God hates divorce. It says so in His Word. I believe we should hate divorce too. I think that more consideration should be taken for the children suffering in the wake of our decisions.
Like I said before, I do not condemn anyone, I am in no place to do so. I had a child in high school and wasn't able to work it out with her mother and now my daughter has to suffer that consequence. An awful penalty she pays for my crime. I just feel so bad when I get teenager after teenager coming through my youth ministry who has been torn to shreds by their parents. I also feel badly for the people who have been through a divorce, because I know it hurts them too.
Marriage is a picture of the union between God and us. The Bible calls us the bride and Jesus the groom, who will one day live together in harmony. This is a relationship that will never be separated. Marriage was meant to model that.
Before I married Laura, I was speaking to my mother in law about marriage. She was joking about how she would kill my father in law before she left him. She said something really cool to me. She said, "You don't get divorced." It was simple and I don't think she would ever remember it now, but she has been married forever. They instilled this in Laura as well, to never give up. Marriage is hard and it hurts often, but it gets better when we fight for it, not when we leave it behind.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
We decided to keep him in the shed. It lasted only a few hours before I secretly went inside and told my mom what had happened and she called the kid's dad.
I have no idea the reason or the home life of the kid. I only know that every picture I had seen of a family was broken in one way or another. I think that is the main area of interest to the enemy. To kill the family, the structure of everything that resembles God. It has been working. Marriage is viewed as something that can be walked away from, something that is not final, because it can always be left behind if need be. Or if the "Love" just poof, goes away. All the while culture shows us that life with split homes are healthy and sometimes advantageous to the children and are a viable option if the couple wants to split.
A split family is never advantageous to anyone. I realize that there are many cases of abuse, or one just leaving another that require splitting. I do not condemn that nor would Jesus. I do believe that it is impossible to fall out of love, being that love is an action and a commitment, not a fuzzy feeling we get. I believe that you should not marry if you cannot make a lifetime commitment to the other as the vows clearly state in the death do you part section. God hates divorce. It says so in His Word. I believe we should hate divorce too. I think that more consideration should be taken for the children suffering in the wake of our decisions.
Like I said before, I do not condemn anyone, I am in no place to do so. I had a child in high school and wasn't able to work it out with her mother and now my daughter has to suffer that consequence. An awful penalty she pays for my crime. I just feel so bad when I get teenager after teenager coming through my youth ministry who has been torn to shreds by their parents. I also feel badly for the people who have been through a divorce, because I know it hurts them too.
Marriage is a picture of the union between God and us. The Bible calls us the bride and Jesus the groom, who will one day live together in harmony. This is a relationship that will never be separated. Marriage was meant to model that.
Before I married Laura, I was speaking to my mother in law about marriage. She was joking about how she would kill my father in law before she left him. She said something really cool to me. She said, "You don't get divorced." It was simple and I don't think she would ever remember it now, but she has been married forever. They instilled this in Laura as well, to never give up. Marriage is hard and it hurts often, but it gets better when we fight for it, not when we leave it behind.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Broadcast Static
I have returned. Thanks to a few brief moments that change everything.
My brother Andy reminded me that life was perfect. He is right, it always has been. I may feel lonesome, I may feel nostalgic, and I may feel rejected, but life is perfect. Things happen because God allows them to happen, and He allows them not because they are out of His control, but because He loves us and desires to teach us. I would like to say I could learn an easier way, but I know I cannot. I was never the kid to take a person's word for it, I had to try it myself and learn the hard way. God teaches me mostly through the pain of my own mistakes. Some were not my mistakes, they were others mistakes, but mistakes I learned from none the less. I would not trade the pain for happiness all the time, because the pain teaches happiness, just like the law and sin teaches grace.
I was at church yesterday, and I watched one of my students whose mother spends a great deal of time worrying about her and praying for her, come home from a trip and latch on to her mom like she hadn't seen her in years. Then she grabbed her little brother and did the same. I have had conversations with her mother about how disconnected this child seemed, and now this. Now she embraces all that God has given her, forgetting about a very unfortunate early childhood. It reminded me of the reparations of God. The things God does in our lives that change everything.
It reminds me of when Jesus bent down and wrote in the sand and the pharisees dropped their stones and walked away, filled to the brim with sin. Jesus didn't condemn the adulterous woman, He died for her. Go and sin no more. Repent. Walk away from the things that fail you and fail God. Remember them no more because they are gone, and don't look for them in other people. We have every reason to be happy. We have every reason to sing and to migrate to each other. I guess I forgot about the reason I write this blog in the first place. I write to keep a record of what God is doing in me, so that I can see where I have come from and others can see God working in me.
I will try not to write so many negative things without balance, and will try to write even when I don't feel like singing, because when you have faith you force yourself. And sometimes being honest makes you better. 90 percent of therapy is just being able to spill yourself out to another person. I have made it my joy to spill myself out to anyone who will listen because Jesus hid nothing from us, not when He lived, not when He bled, and not now as we live with His Spirit.
A special thanks to Andy who sings with me across the country. Next time I see you, you are getting a piggy back ride.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
My brother Andy reminded me that life was perfect. He is right, it always has been. I may feel lonesome, I may feel nostalgic, and I may feel rejected, but life is perfect. Things happen because God allows them to happen, and He allows them not because they are out of His control, but because He loves us and desires to teach us. I would like to say I could learn an easier way, but I know I cannot. I was never the kid to take a person's word for it, I had to try it myself and learn the hard way. God teaches me mostly through the pain of my own mistakes. Some were not my mistakes, they were others mistakes, but mistakes I learned from none the less. I would not trade the pain for happiness all the time, because the pain teaches happiness, just like the law and sin teaches grace.
I was at church yesterday, and I watched one of my students whose mother spends a great deal of time worrying about her and praying for her, come home from a trip and latch on to her mom like she hadn't seen her in years. Then she grabbed her little brother and did the same. I have had conversations with her mother about how disconnected this child seemed, and now this. Now she embraces all that God has given her, forgetting about a very unfortunate early childhood. It reminded me of the reparations of God. The things God does in our lives that change everything.
It reminds me of when Jesus bent down and wrote in the sand and the pharisees dropped their stones and walked away, filled to the brim with sin. Jesus didn't condemn the adulterous woman, He died for her. Go and sin no more. Repent. Walk away from the things that fail you and fail God. Remember them no more because they are gone, and don't look for them in other people. We have every reason to be happy. We have every reason to sing and to migrate to each other. I guess I forgot about the reason I write this blog in the first place. I write to keep a record of what God is doing in me, so that I can see where I have come from and others can see God working in me.
I will try not to write so many negative things without balance, and will try to write even when I don't feel like singing, because when you have faith you force yourself. And sometimes being honest makes you better. 90 percent of therapy is just being able to spill yourself out to another person. I have made it my joy to spill myself out to anyone who will listen because Jesus hid nothing from us, not when He lived, not when He bled, and not now as we live with His Spirit.
A special thanks to Andy who sings with me across the country. Next time I see you, you are getting a piggy back ride.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
2:12 AM
I don't have anything to share of any use to any of you tonight. I just feel like writing. I have been trying not to write when I am going through depression, that is why I have cut down the writing so much. I realize that I write most when I feel this way and it annoys me to go back and see the things I wrote while in the dark. Tonight, I don't care, I am writing because I feel lonely and it is almost like talking to someone. It is something to do with my hands, and my mind other than think about negative things.
I just miss everything.
I miss my friends. I miss being a kid and not having this stress. I miss sleeping on The Body's bedroom floor every night. Don't get me wrong, I would not trade now for then for anything. I just wish I could have them both and never sleep. There is so much trouble in the world, so much death, so much sadness. Too many mistakes.
I am tired of making mistakes, especially ones I have made before it makes me feel like a fool. It does more damage to me than people know. Sin does damage, go figure. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out, yet I keep messing up. I guess that is why God's grace is so amazing. But I don't feel that right now, I don't feel reasonable or Biblical. I feel desperate for things I cannot see. I feel blurry and wandering around. I forget things that are real, that I once held in my hands. The things of God. I forget that God holds me, that He has saved my wretched life, that He has set me on my feet and planted me to my face so many times. I forget because I am so blurry. I am sick of this. My wife listens to my ipod and plays the 25 most played and can't even get through it, the songs are too sad.
The pattern of my depression has always been failure of some kind. Depression follows failure. I fail so much. Not because I want to, because I can't not fail. I am human.
I want to be whole. I want to be perfect. I want to be free. I want to be healthy. I want to be humble. I want to be faithful. I want to be pure. I want to be something entirely different than who I am right now.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I just miss everything.
I miss my friends. I miss being a kid and not having this stress. I miss sleeping on The Body's bedroom floor every night. Don't get me wrong, I would not trade now for then for anything. I just wish I could have them both and never sleep. There is so much trouble in the world, so much death, so much sadness. Too many mistakes.
I am tired of making mistakes, especially ones I have made before it makes me feel like a fool. It does more damage to me than people know. Sin does damage, go figure. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out, yet I keep messing up. I guess that is why God's grace is so amazing. But I don't feel that right now, I don't feel reasonable or Biblical. I feel desperate for things I cannot see. I feel blurry and wandering around. I forget things that are real, that I once held in my hands. The things of God. I forget that God holds me, that He has saved my wretched life, that He has set me on my feet and planted me to my face so many times. I forget because I am so blurry. I am sick of this. My wife listens to my ipod and plays the 25 most played and can't even get through it, the songs are too sad.
The pattern of my depression has always been failure of some kind. Depression follows failure. I fail so much. Not because I want to, because I can't not fail. I am human.
I want to be whole. I want to be perfect. I want to be free. I want to be healthy. I want to be humble. I want to be faithful. I want to be pure. I want to be something entirely different than who I am right now.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Solitude
I complain a lot about having to work from home all the time alone. I assume I spend plenty of time in solitude and need more noise, but then tonight I went on a bike ride at 11 PM down side streets where it is quiet and remembered how noisy I am alone all day. I type and type and search and search all while the television is on in the background like an annoying friend that speaks to you while you are trying to concentrate on something. All day. Also, I have itunes in my ear, a cell phone texting me and sending out, Facebook, Twitter, Email, and calls. All day. I may be alone, but I am not in solitude, I am not at peace. There is a quiet that is also peaceful; "Peace and quiet." I could have ridden that bike all night, except my seat sucks and the butt was killing me. I tried the dangerous trick of lifting my arms to the sky and closing my eyes. I even gave prayer a go. It was really nice.
It would benefit me to learn to be quiet like in a library; for once in my chaotic life use my indoor voice.
Noise= I love it...And hate it
Silence= I love it...And hate it
It is good to find a nice little balance between the two. To live New York and Wyoming. I used to take walks when I was a drunk every night. I wonder why I gave that up with the drunkenness? I think the walks were a good thing, a great way to unwind and put things into perspective. If you only leave your house to get somewhere, you are missing out on life. We often forget the things in between running and retreating. There are moments hidden in the middle that you remember for a life time. I remember every step of the walks I used to take, but I can't remember what I did two weeks ago at all.
Find a way to be nowhere. Breathe in real air, not just the stuff recycled though your home vents. Talk to strangers about politics and religion. Hold the door open for old women. Spend some time alone and be different for a minute.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
It would benefit me to learn to be quiet like in a library; for once in my chaotic life use my indoor voice.
Noise= I love it...And hate it
Silence= I love it...And hate it
It is good to find a nice little balance between the two. To live New York and Wyoming. I used to take walks when I was a drunk every night. I wonder why I gave that up with the drunkenness? I think the walks were a good thing, a great way to unwind and put things into perspective. If you only leave your house to get somewhere, you are missing out on life. We often forget the things in between running and retreating. There are moments hidden in the middle that you remember for a life time. I remember every step of the walks I used to take, but I can't remember what I did two weeks ago at all.
Find a way to be nowhere. Breathe in real air, not just the stuff recycled though your home vents. Talk to strangers about politics and religion. Hold the door open for old women. Spend some time alone and be different for a minute.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Land of The Lost Cause
I wish I could tell you a hundred stories of the "Lost cause" turning it all around. I wish I could tell you two stories. Unfortunately I do not know of many, but I do know of one and that's all it takes.
My best friend took a deep sigh of relief when I confessed Christ sighting that he was scared I was the anti-Christ. Seriously. My mom called me Satan and my friends my imps. My principle at school tried to expel me a half dozen times only to find me sitting at my desk the next day due to my mom's friendship with the Boss. My friend "The Body" used to come over and help me to my bed from whatever I was passed out on or wrapped around most nights. He would then sleep on the recliner chair in my room to make sure I didn't die.
As the guy that was the lost cause, I now know how hard it is to be a friend to one. We are selfish, foolish, self-destructive or just destructive, and rude. It is easy to walk away from us, and impossible to hang around. You pray for us, you give us sound advice which we spit on, you help us with no expectation for anything in return, and you love us more than we love ourselves which is the base of the problem.
Tori Amos, yes I like her said in a song: "When you gonna make up your mind? When are you gonna love you as much as I do?"
I think my friends echoed those lyrics and I heard them, just didn't believe them yet. That is where Jesus does His work, in the broken and doubtful. He gave me people to love me, and worked in my heart to show me how much He loved me. Eventually He spoke too loud for me to ignore and I came around and my relationships started repairing.
In turn, I have been given Lost causes to love. They frustrate me, but mirror what Jesus did for me and that makes it easier to love them.
Don't give up on the Lost cause. Pray for them and don't judge them. Give them unconditional love as Jesus does and be positive, because God is at work. That is a good reason to be positive.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
My best friend took a deep sigh of relief when I confessed Christ sighting that he was scared I was the anti-Christ. Seriously. My mom called me Satan and my friends my imps. My principle at school tried to expel me a half dozen times only to find me sitting at my desk the next day due to my mom's friendship with the Boss. My friend "The Body" used to come over and help me to my bed from whatever I was passed out on or wrapped around most nights. He would then sleep on the recliner chair in my room to make sure I didn't die.
As the guy that was the lost cause, I now know how hard it is to be a friend to one. We are selfish, foolish, self-destructive or just destructive, and rude. It is easy to walk away from us, and impossible to hang around. You pray for us, you give us sound advice which we spit on, you help us with no expectation for anything in return, and you love us more than we love ourselves which is the base of the problem.
Tori Amos, yes I like her said in a song: "When you gonna make up your mind? When are you gonna love you as much as I do?"
I think my friends echoed those lyrics and I heard them, just didn't believe them yet. That is where Jesus does His work, in the broken and doubtful. He gave me people to love me, and worked in my heart to show me how much He loved me. Eventually He spoke too loud for me to ignore and I came around and my relationships started repairing.
In turn, I have been given Lost causes to love. They frustrate me, but mirror what Jesus did for me and that makes it easier to love them.
Don't give up on the Lost cause. Pray for them and don't judge them. Give them unconditional love as Jesus does and be positive, because God is at work. That is a good reason to be positive.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Father's Day Present
My friend Patrick drew this for his senior art show when he graduated art school. He made a series of works that depicted people who had been transformed by God in different ways. My beautiful wife bought this one for me for Father's Day which to me is the perfect present. I am honored to be a subject of Patrick's art, and reminded of how wonderful our God is. It also strokes the ego a bit to hang a 20/24 picture of yourself right smack dab in the middle of the living area. Fitting.
The picture is blurry due to my awful camera but in the picture is my beautiful wife, Me, My Son, My daughter, a set of train tacks, a train, the pope statue, the flat I used to live in, some seagulls, Mount Carmel Parish, and scenery surrounding the tracks. Patrick is an amazing artist, maybe I can get him to send me pictures to post of the rest of the series.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Blah Blah Blah Then Some Good Stuff At The End
Today is the first day of vacation! I haven't taken more than a day at a time in years, this whole week should be great. Except the wife is putting me to work during my sabbatical, shouldn't be too bad though. Wednesday we are going with some friends to Kalahari, an indoor water park without the kids, which some would say is the meanest thing ever, but it's our anniversary not theirs.
It has been a bummer since the Red Wings lost to those goons. I have kinda been just moping around. I was invested this year like no other. I believe I saw 76 total games this season and got so jacked when it looked like we were going to win the finals. Then we lost, now I hang my head most days. It's like I got dumped. I am in stage three though...acceptance and tears. I went through the whole anger and denial stages earlier on with the whining about the refs and the disbelief that we actually did lose. Now I accept it and weep and mourn.
Saw my oldest daughter last night. She lives an hour and a half away, so I don't get to see her nearly as much as I want to. She is getting too old too fast. Laura is amazing. She takes a really difficult situation, that most girls would run from and fights through it with me. She keeps me from giving up. She is pretty tenacious. Pretty and tenacious. Thank you!
Thinking about getting out the kilt soon. I haven't worn it in way too long. I asked for a new one for my birthday next year. We will see.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
It has been a bummer since the Red Wings lost to those goons. I have kinda been just moping around. I was invested this year like no other. I believe I saw 76 total games this season and got so jacked when it looked like we were going to win the finals. Then we lost, now I hang my head most days. It's like I got dumped. I am in stage three though...acceptance and tears. I went through the whole anger and denial stages earlier on with the whining about the refs and the disbelief that we actually did lose. Now I accept it and weep and mourn.
Saw my oldest daughter last night. She lives an hour and a half away, so I don't get to see her nearly as much as I want to. She is getting too old too fast. Laura is amazing. She takes a really difficult situation, that most girls would run from and fights through it with me. She keeps me from giving up. She is pretty tenacious. Pretty and tenacious. Thank you!
Thinking about getting out the kilt soon. I haven't worn it in way too long. I asked for a new one for my birthday next year. We will see.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Nevaeh, Heaven Spelled Backwards
http://www.detnews.com/article/20090604/METRO/906040477/Relatives-believe-body-found-is-that-of-missing-girl
This story makes me sick. Our world is deranged in ways that are unexplainable. I am sad. I am ashamed that a human could do this to another of God's creation. Nevaeh, Heaven spelled backwards suffered for the crimes of our humanity, our sin. I will always wonder whether or not our freedoms here are what is killing us. Rich people exploit and humiliate people by pushing pornography of all detestable kinds into our culture at every level. From grade school through adulthood. From sexually irresponsible children's shows to illegal but overlooked hardcore pornography available anywhere you want to see it. It is freedom of speech to make the garbage, but is poisoning our entire culture at it's core. Prostitution is illegal, but being paid to have sex with someone on film isn't prostitution?
How many people have to die by some sicko who got addicted to this stuff, which studies show is more addicting that heroine, before the finger is finally pointed in the correct direction. Pornography has been attributed to the start of the derangement of many serial killers, including Ted Bundy. Yet we are told it is natural to experiment and explore. Tell that to a parent whose child has been kidnapped by one of these pioneer perverts and molested and killed. Then we like to just blame the killer of the kid, sentence him to death, and pretend it didn't happen so we can think the monster has been killed. The monster is alive. The killer was a product of the monster that we protect under the veil of free speech. I believe and enjoy freedom too, but pornography is no a freedom, it is wrong. There are no cases in which is helps anyone. It hurts everyone involved, but it produces so much money. The porn industry even asked our government for a bail-out!
The Burkalator has been writing the city for couple years since this pornographic sex shop opened down the street from our homes and kids. This store likes to put really explicit things on the dummys and put them on display in the front window of an extremely busy street for everyone, including my kids to see as they pass. The store is located by a traffic light too, so for those who get to stop at the red, you get to have to sit there with this crap blazing the side of your face off. The city will do nothing, the store will do nothing, because our society will do nothing. So the monster will live and keep destroying lives, killing children, making molesters, ruining families, hurting women, hurting men, but generating tax money. Unless we all do something.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
This story makes me sick. Our world is deranged in ways that are unexplainable. I am sad. I am ashamed that a human could do this to another of God's creation. Nevaeh, Heaven spelled backwards suffered for the crimes of our humanity, our sin. I will always wonder whether or not our freedoms here are what is killing us. Rich people exploit and humiliate people by pushing pornography of all detestable kinds into our culture at every level. From grade school through adulthood. From sexually irresponsible children's shows to illegal but overlooked hardcore pornography available anywhere you want to see it. It is freedom of speech to make the garbage, but is poisoning our entire culture at it's core. Prostitution is illegal, but being paid to have sex with someone on film isn't prostitution?
How many people have to die by some sicko who got addicted to this stuff, which studies show is more addicting that heroine, before the finger is finally pointed in the correct direction. Pornography has been attributed to the start of the derangement of many serial killers, including Ted Bundy. Yet we are told it is natural to experiment and explore. Tell that to a parent whose child has been kidnapped by one of these pioneer perverts and molested and killed. Then we like to just blame the killer of the kid, sentence him to death, and pretend it didn't happen so we can think the monster has been killed. The monster is alive. The killer was a product of the monster that we protect under the veil of free speech. I believe and enjoy freedom too, but pornography is no a freedom, it is wrong. There are no cases in which is helps anyone. It hurts everyone involved, but it produces so much money. The porn industry even asked our government for a bail-out!
The Burkalator has been writing the city for couple years since this pornographic sex shop opened down the street from our homes and kids. This store likes to put really explicit things on the dummys and put them on display in the front window of an extremely busy street for everyone, including my kids to see as they pass. The store is located by a traffic light too, so for those who get to stop at the red, you get to have to sit there with this crap blazing the side of your face off. The city will do nothing, the store will do nothing, because our society will do nothing. So the monster will live and keep destroying lives, killing children, making molesters, ruining families, hurting women, hurting men, but generating tax money. Unless we all do something.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Life After Death
What are your biggest fears and hopes about death?
Lately my small group have been studying the resurrected body of Jesus and it's parallel to our resurrected bodies. While going through this, it was pretty clear that many fear death because of the unknown after-death or after-life however you want to chew it. It can be pretty disheartening to not know what is on the other side of that big black door. You have no choice but to open it and enter through, but the anticipation of it, can be crippling for some people.
This morning I woke up thinking about this life-after-death the Bible talks about. A life that is not separate from your life now, but your life perfected. Your body perfected, but the same body. Much like the New Heaven and earth will be perfected versions of the old one that had passed away. The Bible says, no mind has ever conceived what God has in store for those that at love Him. So why do we still fear?
I don't know.
I do know that if I am able to go anywhere I want at any time, that would be great. I know that being able to stand before my God, face to face and speak to Him is the greatest hope I have. It will be nice to shed this skin for another souped up version. To enjoy life as it was intended to be lived...For eternity.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
Lately my small group have been studying the resurrected body of Jesus and it's parallel to our resurrected bodies. While going through this, it was pretty clear that many fear death because of the unknown after-death or after-life however you want to chew it. It can be pretty disheartening to not know what is on the other side of that big black door. You have no choice but to open it and enter through, but the anticipation of it, can be crippling for some people.
This morning I woke up thinking about this life-after-death the Bible talks about. A life that is not separate from your life now, but your life perfected. Your body perfected, but the same body. Much like the New Heaven and earth will be perfected versions of the old one that had passed away. The Bible says, no mind has ever conceived what God has in store for those that at love Him. So why do we still fear?
I don't know.
I do know that if I am able to go anywhere I want at any time, that would be great. I know that being able to stand before my God, face to face and speak to Him is the greatest hope I have. It will be nice to shed this skin for another souped up version. To enjoy life as it was intended to be lived...For eternity.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Broken Cat
I hate cats. Period. However, this morning on the way to get coffee before Caeden's baseball game, I missed my turn and took the long way. While taking this wrong way, I happened upon a black cat lying in the road with broken legs. It was wearing a leash collar, but no tags or anything, so this was someones pet. I watched as people drove by, looked at the horror that was this cat and kept going. I must tell you that it had nothing to do with feeling bad for the cat, because I didn't, but I looked at the cat and saw sad little kids missing their pet, or an old widow woman who had nothing left but this cat. So I pulled over in front of the cat so no one could hit it again and called animal control which was closed. Laura then called the police and they sent a car. We waited for 15 minutes as drivers drove up to the cat, looked at it and gave us the dirtiest looks as they passed by. We had no idea what everyone's problem was, we were trying to help. Then we realized how it looked with our car directly in front of the wounded cat: It looked like we did it. The cop showed up and proved to be worthless in the situation. I got out, and he said, "I can't touch that thing, I'm allergic." "Me too." says me. "How about her" (pointing to my wife). "Nope, she's allergic too." "Well, I'll send a cop car and if it gets run over, it gets run over."
A guy walked over and moved the cat to the side of the road and when we came back later, it was gone, so cat saved or dead, I do not know.
If you haven't had a chance yet, head over to Partofthestory.com and read an article I posted for Michael Edwards blog. While your there, check out the What Is The Trinity and Why Does It Matter series of blogs...really cool.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
A guy walked over and moved the cat to the side of the road and when we came back later, it was gone, so cat saved or dead, I do not know.
If you haven't had a chance yet, head over to Partofthestory.com and read an article I posted for Michael Edwards blog. While your there, check out the What Is The Trinity and Why Does It Matter series of blogs...really cool.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Appearance
Vanity is tricky. There is a fine line between vanity and confidence. I am not an expert on the issue as I have been labeled, possibly fairly, a narcissist, conceited, and cocky. I don't see it this way, but what conceited, cocky, narcissist does? I am confident. If I were choosing teams, I would choose me. I am not proud though. Most things about myself, I dislike and I see where my sin fits in to the grand scheme of things. How does this relate to appearance?
Most issues with appearance are based on vanity issues, others are based on lust issues. I will be brief with this issue.
I don't think God cares what you look like. If he did, He would not have went to crazy John in the desert to baptize Him, He would have sought out a Pharisee. He didn't mention the way some of the women who came to Him looked in their Hollister gear. He simply did not put much stock in the way people looked.
My mom used to make me wear the dumbest things to church, things that make me cringe now to look at. A tight dress shirt and pants with a tie pinned to my shirt in the middle and suspenders. She always said that God desired our best. I am sorry mom, but I do not consider the crusty suit in the back of my closet my best. My best, I wear often because it is my best, I like it most. So when I dress for church, I wear what I wear, and possibly will be wearing my kilt soon, to shake things up a bit. I haven't worn it out in some time now.
Lust is a different issue. Men, if you are wearing your tightest leather pants to show off your blessed McNuts to the world, you possibly will cause some lust. Keep your privates private and there will not be an issue with your appearance causing people to stumble. Ladies, you know what some of you do.
As a culture, we put too much on appearance. Studies show that good looking people get more money, more jobs, and more breaks than the less that good looking people. We will ignore someone who we do not find to be attractive and follow charismatic people because of their appearance. Both, I believe Jesus would disapprove of. He may have been a pretty ugly guy.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
Most issues with appearance are based on vanity issues, others are based on lust issues. I will be brief with this issue.
I don't think God cares what you look like. If he did, He would not have went to crazy John in the desert to baptize Him, He would have sought out a Pharisee. He didn't mention the way some of the women who came to Him looked in their Hollister gear. He simply did not put much stock in the way people looked.
My mom used to make me wear the dumbest things to church, things that make me cringe now to look at. A tight dress shirt and pants with a tie pinned to my shirt in the middle and suspenders. She always said that God desired our best. I am sorry mom, but I do not consider the crusty suit in the back of my closet my best. My best, I wear often because it is my best, I like it most. So when I dress for church, I wear what I wear, and possibly will be wearing my kilt soon, to shake things up a bit. I haven't worn it out in some time now.
Lust is a different issue. Men, if you are wearing your tightest leather pants to show off your blessed McNuts to the world, you possibly will cause some lust. Keep your privates private and there will not be an issue with your appearance causing people to stumble. Ladies, you know what some of you do.
As a culture, we put too much on appearance. Studies show that good looking people get more money, more jobs, and more breaks than the less that good looking people. We will ignore someone who we do not find to be attractive and follow charismatic people because of their appearance. Both, I believe Jesus would disapprove of. He may have been a pretty ugly guy.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Music
I have a theory that music can be a determining factor for the mood you are in right now, and can change your mood, depending on the emotional impact certain songs have on you, or memories cataloged in your brain and triggered by a specific song, or smell, or whatever. So that being said, I do believe that choosing your music needs some discernment. In fact this is central to everything I am going to talk about over the next few days. Use discernment. Don't be dumb. Seek God in everything.
There is a Christian culture out there, started mainly in youth group subcultures and perpetuated by their youth pastors, that seeks to separate everything Christian from everything secular. Some take these to extremes such as having a secular cd bonfire, and others are a little more mild like hanging those cheesy posters up that tell you what Christian artist to buy if you like a particular secular artist. Kind of like a Christian designer impostor guide to music. There are a few problems with this attitude. 1. The impostors suck really bad. 2. Music cannot be Christian. I will repeat on the next line for dramatic effect.
Music cannot be Christian.
Music is barren and soulless. It has not confessed sin or been regenerated by the Holy Spirit. A G chord played by Jars of Clay is the same G chord played by Gwar. No more holy, no more inspired, no more angelic. Music is music.
Where discernment comes into play is in the lyrical content of the music. Some guys sing about joy, some pain, some everyday life, some sex, some hate. Just like anything else you allow into your body, if it poisons you personally, do away with it, not by fire though please, we are not called to be book burners. It is simple common sense that you should get rid of the things that hurt you and bring you down. But we are not to be everyone's judge of what they can or can't listen to. I enjoy listening to Tupac. After a while, I realized that listening to the violence and hatred in some of his lyrics sometimes changed my demeanor, sometimes not. I stopped listening so much. There is an obvious difference in the result of our own demeanor if we listen to David Crowder than if we listen to Tupac.
Worship music is also not Christian.
The lyrics insight worship and personal reflection and have positive results on our faith. I think this is unique to Christianity. Worship music is not trying to rip off some secular band, it is insighting reflection on God. But it cannot be Christian. Nothing mystical happens when you here it. It does not bring transformation, but is a tool of God to deepen your faith.
I say listen to the music you like unless it hurts you or is overtly blasphemous.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
There is a Christian culture out there, started mainly in youth group subcultures and perpetuated by their youth pastors, that seeks to separate everything Christian from everything secular. Some take these to extremes such as having a secular cd bonfire, and others are a little more mild like hanging those cheesy posters up that tell you what Christian artist to buy if you like a particular secular artist. Kind of like a Christian designer impostor guide to music. There are a few problems with this attitude. 1. The impostors suck really bad. 2. Music cannot be Christian. I will repeat on the next line for dramatic effect.
Music cannot be Christian.
Music is barren and soulless. It has not confessed sin or been regenerated by the Holy Spirit. A G chord played by Jars of Clay is the same G chord played by Gwar. No more holy, no more inspired, no more angelic. Music is music.
Where discernment comes into play is in the lyrical content of the music. Some guys sing about joy, some pain, some everyday life, some sex, some hate. Just like anything else you allow into your body, if it poisons you personally, do away with it, not by fire though please, we are not called to be book burners. It is simple common sense that you should get rid of the things that hurt you and bring you down. But we are not to be everyone's judge of what they can or can't listen to. I enjoy listening to Tupac. After a while, I realized that listening to the violence and hatred in some of his lyrics sometimes changed my demeanor, sometimes not. I stopped listening so much. There is an obvious difference in the result of our own demeanor if we listen to David Crowder than if we listen to Tupac.
Worship music is also not Christian.
The lyrics insight worship and personal reflection and have positive results on our faith. I think this is unique to Christianity. Worship music is not trying to rip off some secular band, it is insighting reflection on God. But it cannot be Christian. Nothing mystical happens when you here it. It does not bring transformation, but is a tool of God to deepen your faith.
I say listen to the music you like unless it hurts you or is overtly blasphemous.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Entertainment
I have been compared to the Roman empire. (Which is kinda flattering given it's dominance) (But sucks given it's evils)
I have been called a Philistine.
I have been told I may be headed to the hell, by some other youth pastors.
All because of my disdain for legalism. I will spend a few blogs explaining my views on different topics that Christian circles debate about. Before I begin, remember I am an idiot sometimes. I am not always right. I do have feelings. I do not desire pointless debates, which is why I am taking the time to explain my views now. I will keep them brief for the readers sake.
Today, I will talk about entertainment.
I think entertainment is great. Some Christians think it is sin and Jesus never would condone spending time doing something other than what your mission to the world requires. I have sympathy for this view in that there is not a whole lot of Biblical evidence for Jesus at play time. But I believe given a limited amount of space to write down the life of Jesus, what He did for enjoyment or to unwind was not important enough to note. I hardly think the God that stretched out a horses head to make a giraffe or put duck feet on a platypus was against entertainment and fun.
Some think that there should be rules and restrictions to the forms of entertainment we choose. Such as no rated R movies, no violence or sex, no secular music, no swearing etc. Surely Jesus would not be caught dead in places that had bad language or alcohol, except that He went there first. Jesus was called a drunkard and a glutton, and a friend to sinners if I recall. Jesus allowed loose women to wash His feet, hung with a zealot revolutionist, turned water into wine...good wine, and yes it was real wine with real alcohol, not some O'Doulls non alcoholic brew He cooked up to keep people from sinning. Do I think Jesus likes vulgarity? No. Do I think he shrinks away and judges those that use it? Even more no. While we have the responsibility to use discernment when choosing our entertainment, being sure to cut off the things that cause us to sin as the Bible is clear about, there are no rules as Paul notes when he says everything is permissible, but not everything beneficial. It is a matter of the heart, which gives no one the right to judge anyone by their own standards outside of what the Bible actually says. If there is a sin issue that is clearly interpreted from the Bible, approach the person and correct them in love, not in self righteousness, and don't go to the lead pastor first before you talk to the person, this is gossip and slander. On the all other things, discernment must be used, this is the job of the Holy Spirit who convicts, encourages, and restores the sinner. Righteousness and holiness is achieved through faith, not through our merits. If you burn with lust, don't watch something with situations that will fuel that issue. If you play a violent video game and it makes you beat up and steal peoples cars, don't play the game. If you are an alcoholic, don't drink even one drop of alcohol, or be around it at all.
Amputate the things that cause sin, but don't assume you are the judge of what is sin outside of clear Biblical reference. This is self-righteousness which can ruin the Christians testimony faster and more effectively than any beverage, movie, or cd you could ever listen to.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I have been called a Philistine.
I have been told I may be headed to the hell, by some other youth pastors.
All because of my disdain for legalism. I will spend a few blogs explaining my views on different topics that Christian circles debate about. Before I begin, remember I am an idiot sometimes. I am not always right. I do have feelings. I do not desire pointless debates, which is why I am taking the time to explain my views now. I will keep them brief for the readers sake.
Today, I will talk about entertainment.
I think entertainment is great. Some Christians think it is sin and Jesus never would condone spending time doing something other than what your mission to the world requires. I have sympathy for this view in that there is not a whole lot of Biblical evidence for Jesus at play time. But I believe given a limited amount of space to write down the life of Jesus, what He did for enjoyment or to unwind was not important enough to note. I hardly think the God that stretched out a horses head to make a giraffe or put duck feet on a platypus was against entertainment and fun.
Some think that there should be rules and restrictions to the forms of entertainment we choose. Such as no rated R movies, no violence or sex, no secular music, no swearing etc. Surely Jesus would not be caught dead in places that had bad language or alcohol, except that He went there first. Jesus was called a drunkard and a glutton, and a friend to sinners if I recall. Jesus allowed loose women to wash His feet, hung with a zealot revolutionist, turned water into wine...good wine, and yes it was real wine with real alcohol, not some O'Doulls non alcoholic brew He cooked up to keep people from sinning. Do I think Jesus likes vulgarity? No. Do I think he shrinks away and judges those that use it? Even more no. While we have the responsibility to use discernment when choosing our entertainment, being sure to cut off the things that cause us to sin as the Bible is clear about, there are no rules as Paul notes when he says everything is permissible, but not everything beneficial. It is a matter of the heart, which gives no one the right to judge anyone by their own standards outside of what the Bible actually says. If there is a sin issue that is clearly interpreted from the Bible, approach the person and correct them in love, not in self righteousness, and don't go to the lead pastor first before you talk to the person, this is gossip and slander. On the all other things, discernment must be used, this is the job of the Holy Spirit who convicts, encourages, and restores the sinner. Righteousness and holiness is achieved through faith, not through our merits. If you burn with lust, don't watch something with situations that will fuel that issue. If you play a violent video game and it makes you beat up and steal peoples cars, don't play the game. If you are an alcoholic, don't drink even one drop of alcohol, or be around it at all.
Amputate the things that cause sin, but don't assume you are the judge of what is sin outside of clear Biblical reference. This is self-righteousness which can ruin the Christians testimony faster and more effectively than any beverage, movie, or cd you could ever listen to.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Remember This Day
Last night in my small group, the topic of Jewish festivals came up. One of the greatest things about Judaism is their religious holidays, most of them that is, some are fulfilled with the coming of the Messiah. So many times in the Old Testament, the Jews were told by God to remember this day because...Whatever the reason, God wanted them to remember what He had done for them on that day. Why? Because we easily forget. False religions have been started and grown to enormity because someone forgot what God had done, both for them and their ancestors. So we go from Adam and Eve, the first human creations, who walked with God, to parts of the world who have never heard of the True God, to areas dominated by Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, etc. Because someone forgot to tell their kids that God cares.
Why have we stopped celebrating in Christianity? What God did for the Jews, He did for us too because it is the story of God. If God loved the Jews so much to give manna from Heaven, and pillars of light to follow, and separating of large bodies of water, He loves us enough to repeat, He did those things for us too.
My church came up with the idea of Spiritual birthday parties. At first I thought it was cheesy, at least the name is, but given some thought, shouldn't we celebrate and remember what Jesus did for you personally? I think we owe it to God to remember and celebrate, not just on Easter and Christmas that have become something different, but personally celebrate. Why don't we celebrate?
If you can't remember any actual dates, make them up and celebrate the sign posts of God in your life.
Mine are:
October 15, 1997- The day God pulled me off a set of train tracks
October 18, 1997- The day I surrendered, and was resurrected.
December 20, 2000- The day God called me to lead through servitude of the church
Make your list. Celebrate these things and never forget what God has done for you and how you have been transformed by His Spirit. Every time I think about lying down on cold train tracks hopeless and scared, and alone, I shiver. I talk non stop most days and have no problem expressing myself, but when I try to talk about what God did that day, I struggle to find words. The day my heart was broken was the best day of my life and the transformation that followed put me face first to the floor. How could I forget? God's hand personally saving me, and over the years, I have forgotten so many times just how amazing God's love is. I think we have to practice to keep our memories in tact, we have to celebrate and revisit the places God has been in our lives, at least the ones we noticed Him in.
If you feel comfortable, post your dates.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
Why have we stopped celebrating in Christianity? What God did for the Jews, He did for us too because it is the story of God. If God loved the Jews so much to give manna from Heaven, and pillars of light to follow, and separating of large bodies of water, He loves us enough to repeat, He did those things for us too.
My church came up with the idea of Spiritual birthday parties. At first I thought it was cheesy, at least the name is, but given some thought, shouldn't we celebrate and remember what Jesus did for you personally? I think we owe it to God to remember and celebrate, not just on Easter and Christmas that have become something different, but personally celebrate. Why don't we celebrate?
If you can't remember any actual dates, make them up and celebrate the sign posts of God in your life.
Mine are:
October 15, 1997- The day God pulled me off a set of train tracks
October 18, 1997- The day I surrendered, and was resurrected.
December 20, 2000- The day God called me to lead through servitude of the church
Make your list. Celebrate these things and never forget what God has done for you and how you have been transformed by His Spirit. Every time I think about lying down on cold train tracks hopeless and scared, and alone, I shiver. I talk non stop most days and have no problem expressing myself, but when I try to talk about what God did that day, I struggle to find words. The day my heart was broken was the best day of my life and the transformation that followed put me face first to the floor. How could I forget? God's hand personally saving me, and over the years, I have forgotten so many times just how amazing God's love is. I think we have to practice to keep our memories in tact, we have to celebrate and revisit the places God has been in our lives, at least the ones we noticed Him in.
If you feel comfortable, post your dates.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
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