My Olympic Sport Would Be Those Carnival Water Squirting Races

I am watching Olympic speed walking right now. It is weird. Most of these women I see see on my block, granted they are wearing bullet proof vests here, but they are like regular people with no real athletic features. I wish they would have a contest and the winner would get to participate in the Olympic sport of their choice. I would do the gymnastic floor exercise. I have skills in the cartwheel, the round-off, and the somersault. I could be competitive, maybe bring home the gold for my country. Speaking of gymnastics, I saw the men do the high bar thing and I can't believe this is actually possible. To spin around on that thing, like what if your spouse came home and caught you flipping around and spinning on that bar like on the cross bar of the backyard swing set. She would poop. Then I would stick the dismount.

A few embarrassing facts that I should never share over the internet.
1. The last time I pooped my pants was less than 8 years ago.
2. Until last winter, I thought it was the wind shield factor.
3. I enjoy sleepovers (The clean kind)
4. I have seen every single Dawson's Creek episode
5. I once pretended to be slain in the Spirit to get someone's approval.