A Pub Fight

I say some pretty stupid things sometimes. I think I lack that filter that most people have in their heads that keep them from saying the awful things that stroll through their heads. I was at a pub Friday night meeting with some friends and there was this guy that looked a lot like Napoleon Dynamite there. I had seem him previously at my 30th birthday singing Mr. Jones, by Counting Crows which is my favorite band. He was letting it all hang out, not literally, singing on the tables and getting the crowd into it. Well Friday, he was walking from the bathroom and I looked at him as he passed and said to Laura, “I want to fight this guy I like him so much.” I know that is a weird thing to say, I say a lot of weird things, it is kind of my thing. And the whole world knows that my voice carries. Well, he looked at me and was like, “What! Why?” Then sat down with his friends and started to talk. I went on talking with my friends and a little later, Laura told me that she thought the guy looked somewhat disturbed. Maybe he didn’t hear the rest of what I was saying, so I went over and spoke to him. I asked him if he had heard all of what I was saying, and he told me all he heard was that I wanted to fight him and he has been sitting there pooping bricks ever since. I explained that I meant that as a compliment and that explanation is a challenge to sell because it is hard to mean I want to fight that guy as a compliment. He got it, laughed, then went and sang some Karaoke. He dedicated his first song to the guy that was going to beat his A&% a minute ago. He said “This song is kinda sensual” and sang me a love song. I was flattered to be able to scare someone even if he was a skinny little guy, but it made me think of the absence of this filter. I say some really dumb things out loud. Last year I was eating at a restaurant with some friends and an Asian old man came walking in and sat at the booth next to us with his Caucasian friends. I got bored and said to my friend Heather, “Heather, you think that guy is Asian?” Of course he was, he looked Asian like every other Asian looks Asian. Well, one of the women heard what I said and answered, “Yes, he is Asian.” “What an idiot I am,” I thought. Then lied and said I was speaking of another Asian sitting around us. The thing is, I love Asians, I always say, they are my favorite minority. See, there I go again. I like to joke around and never mean anything I am saying to harm others. I always liked to think that this was an endearing quality, like how Stephen Colbert cannot be disliked, no matter what he says because it is just Colbert being Colbert. But maybe I am not like that, what if I am Michael Richards from Seinfeld, who says things that get him severely hated. Not that I am funny like a comedian, but these two also lack the filter.