Will "The Body" Doederlein

I do not know how to write this blog. In every way, my words defeat me.


I watched men put my best friend's body in the back of a truck on Christmas. I watched his kids scream, his wife fall apart, his mother in hysterics, his father nearly collapse. He was my brother in every way. I slept beside his 10 foot long, skinny bed most of high school. I called him "The Body" on this blog.

Right this moment I cannot even breathe. Every corner of my house, my neighborhood, my heart holds his ghost. I walk by the wash tub and there is his deep hand soap hanging in a zip lock bag he was so particular about. I look at my garage and I see him laying under a car covered in grease determined to fix it. I pick up my guitar and I see him standing behind me playing the bass, singing back-up. We both looked up to each other. He refused to move away from Michigan for a better job, just because he refused to move away from me. I loved him for that. My wife loved him for that. Now she is juggling grief for me and grief for the loss of her friend Will too. My kids loved their uncle will. The below picture is when Caeden broke his femur and wanted so bad to jump on the trampoline with the rest of the kids. His uncle Will scooped him up and held him and jumped for him. He saw beauty in kids he did not see in this world...he had the heart of Jesus.

We could speak to each other in looks alone, there were no need for words. Last Saturday his look told me he was going away, but he said nothing. He said goodbye in his own way, telling me he called just to hear my voice. The next day he hung himself by the neck. I have no idea how to say goodbye. He is part of me and I am deflated and empty.

Just before I tried to kill myself, I drank until I would pass out every night. Will worked the night shift and would come over every day after work and pick me up off the floor and help me to my bed. He would sit in the recliner until I was sleeping or he would sleep at my house in that chair like a watch dog, guarding me from myself. Will was selfless, though most can only shout about how selfish he was. And he was. He didn't see it that way though. He saw himself without hope of life and needed to leave to allow his family and friends to be happy. Oh my God, he could not have made a bigger mistake. But as my pastor said through tears at his funeral. Nothing we can do is more powerful than the cross. I believe Heaven gets him now, and he can smile again.

Tonight I was escaping upstairs, staring out the window. Tears started to fall and run down the glass as I stared at the Christmas lights that have lost all beauty to me. My little girl came up to me holding a little plastic heart and gave it to me, telling me she had one too. She then told me again that Uncle Will was with Jesus. She knew I needed a new heart right now, mine has been shattered into shards. Jesus speaks to me through my little girl who seems to be able to hear Him more than I ever could.

My praise for God is broken and silent. I cannot sit and pray for long periods of time, because I cannot stop myself from anger, even though I know that God is perfect all the time. I get so mad because He saved me when I wanted to die, and can't understand why He didn't save Will. I am angered because He didn't give me insight into what was really happening in Will's eyes. I was such a fool. I could do nothing and can do nothing. Yet I still know He is perfect and is with me and Will's family.

Will came over on his birthday because he was so down that evening at the CMB party. We wanted to get him into a smaller crowd so he could relax. We had so much fun that night. He was like he was normally. Nearing the end of the night, he sat by my desk taking picture after picture. He knew that night and wanted to leave me with those memories.

God I miss him so much. I never knew a person could hurt this much. I have no idea how to be the same man my wife married. I can say nothing more today.











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™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

True Christmas

I came across this tree while exploring in the hills by my house. Under the tree, was all of the belongings of a homeless man. This is what Christmas is about. He didn't have money, he didn't wait in lines for a Wii, and didn't overpay for a zu zu pal or whatever it is called. He laided under that tree and relied on Jesus. Made a Christmas tree out of what he could find and celebrated. Under that tree we found an empty bottle of whiskey, maybe he drank to old times, maybe he remembered when he was a kid and waited eagerly to rip open that wrapping paper...or maybe he never got that luxury. But he did celebrate Christmas the way it should be celebrated, with an empty pocket, looking up at the same sky Jesus did. He found a way, without charging everything. This wrecked me. I worried so much about getting a Wii for my son and was so excited to see him open it, while this guy is excited if he can see another day. It is cold in Michigan, yet he digs up his blankets from the snow covered hill and lays down on them every night, probably wishing his life were completely different, wishing he were us. Me. I believe today, Jesus smiles more on that guy than He does on me.

We fight so hard to fight off the awful feelings we have when we encounter a person who lives the life we have nightmares about. We try to tell ourselves, they deserve it for eating drugs or drinking themselves poor, but sometimes it is us who are in poverty of the heart. Maybe we need to feel for them and do what God says to do for them...love them more than you love yourself. What would you do if you were them? Fix everything, right? Why not try, even if they do not want help?

I am not preaching because I fail at the same thing I am writing about every day. My dream is to care for them as Jesus would, no matter what it meant.















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™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

The Middle Of The Night

I have always wanted to make something beautiful out of something ugly. I feel like that is what it really means to follow Christ. To do as He did. To make ugly things beautiful. He took a moment when we all would seek revenge and gave Peter the keys to His church, gave him His Bride. The prodigal son came home nasty and stinking of filth and sin and his father embraced every ugly bone on the kids body. I like that God embraces every ugly bone on my body, especially when I have come home filthy with rot. I want to do that too. I will never fully understand my own brokenness but He embraces me broken and slowly repairs. Then I fall in love with my brokenness and He tears me down more so He can rebuild again.

Pooft

So I wake up and it was gone. As if it was never here. I have recovering to do and I have restoration coming, but pooft...gone. It is the weirdest thing when this happens. I fully expected after being on this depression bender for 3 months that gradually it would leave. Not to be so. I popped open my eyes and wanted to get up today. No coaxing myself that there are really good reasons to face the world, none of that stuff. Just got up, smiled and had a good day. The wife is happy, I know that.

I have missed writing so I will be doing more of that. I even thought about finishing that zombie script I was working on.

God is good even when everything else is lousy and you got nothing. Christ will never lose on of the sheep given by His Father. That is comforting.








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™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Snow, Then Rain

Everyone has expectations of who you should be or who you are. They create them in part the moment you meet. It really isn't a fair thing to do; to make this image of a person in your mind and expect them to be what you have wrapped them up to be. When you prove you can never be that person, they walk away citing that you weren't the person they thought you were. This makes that person try harder to live up to what others want them to be instead of being who they really are. Human. So full of flaws you cannot even decipher the idea of where to start. It makes the person want to forget who they are for a while and be who everyone else sees, but this isn't transparency, this is a lie that the Father of Lies uses to ruin a person.

I am tired of always trying so hard to live up to what people and myself expect. I am underachieving. I should be more. I should have accomplished more, and I should be a different person than who I am.

I yell at God for this, not because He did it, but because I have no idea how to change it or what the problem really is. I really would love for a person who has done the same lonely and strange things to show me a different way to think. I have everything a person could ever want out of life and I love it with more words than English can muster, but I am missing something and have no idea what it is. Maybe I have more issues to deal with that I have put aside all my life. Maybe I am just broken and sad and grieving for the world, like the Bible said we may do. I do not know.But what I know is that I can't remember the last time I cried or showed some kind of feeling at all. I just plod through.

Rom. 8:22   We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.









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™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Seeing Me

"What I have means nothing at all, compared to Your glory." The Glorious Unseen

It isn't enough to let people see what you want them to see. Show them your entire hand. Play the cards with everyone knowing what you are exactly. This is real fear. Letting everyone see the person you hate the most, which when being honest is usually ourselves. Pretending your not broken will glorify no one. It is how we handle ourselves during suffering that glorify God. Do we crumble or do we fight? Do we allow our brokenness to define us or do we allow our failures to shine in the light of what God is doing in us? I will choose the latter.






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™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake

Sorry I haven't been writing. I was under the impression that the joy that I felt after I was hit would last forever. I really felt that way, if not just trying to feel that way. But here I am. Still here. Still basking in the grace and glory of my God, yet destroyed inside. It has been just over two months since I have felt ok and I don't want to write all the time when I am down. I don't want to sit and whine all over the internet, puking downers all over your monitors. So I will write about it a little, then back off. The stupid thing is, these are the times I really feel like writing.

Sorry for the last post, I meant it to be a joke, not condemnation, but maybe the joke isn't funny. I will and always will hate when people get into cars while drunk, if you do it, you are doing a very stupid and selfish thing. However, I do not know the woman I was joking about, so it was wrong of me to poke fun of her.

On a lighter note, my mom pulled out my old report cards on Thanksgiving so she could show my wife what a jerk was throughout my entire life, not just now. I can't believe she even still had them. The grades were average, ridiculously average and all of my teachers made a note of that. "Adam is much smarter than this." "If he would stop talking and apply himself, he would be golden." "Adam is a constant distraction, but he is a joy to have around." Stuff like that. My wife told me nothing has changed. She would be right.




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™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Awesome

I go to pick up Caeden from school. When I get there a woman parks her car next to me and keeps looking at me and smiling. I awkwardly turn the other way, and get out of the car and head to the school doors to wait there. She follows. She stands next to me and tries making small talk about the weather or something boring and stupid like that. Her kid comes out first and I am relieved because now she will leave. I got Caeden a few moments later and walk back to the car to find her still sitting in hers. She smiles at me as I glance away. I put my car in drive and start to drive off and as I do I glance over to check for traffic and she is taking a self breathalyzer. Stay classy Southgate.






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™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Spooky

Last night while walking some train tracks with some friends, we happened upon a human bone, the humerous to be exact. It was laying in just the right spot you would expect to find the bones of a dead person, and it seemed to have been sawed in half. Really weird, no one will believe it as usual, however, this time I have 3 witnesses, so for my skeptics who think I actually make this stuff up or exaggerate (Laura) I have proof. We called the police and they came and got it. Spooky








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™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Time Elapse

I will write again, just not today.








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™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Change

What do you think of change? Not coins, but environmental, mental, geographic, proximal?


I have been accused of looking completely different if you go more than 6 months without seeing me.

I will have started a new hobby...playing ice hockey is my current new thing even though I still cannot stop on skates. Last quarter's was cycling. I was training for racing, then I was struck by a truck and now cycling is out of season and I haven't the money for a new bike.

I will have grown or shaved a beard.

I will be wearing something different every time.

I will possess music you have never heard before that will blow your mind. And show you movies that you will immediately buy.

I will be trying to quit saying something, or excessively saying something too much. Words like Amazing, and TWSS. My current word used too much is dah. Ex. I had so much fun on Halloween, trick or treating was just.....Dah.

I need change. I really like it. I will go crazy without it, but I am somewhat of a mental case, so I can't always trust my emotions as being normal. What do you think? Is change a catalyst for excitement and vigor, or does it bring dread and terror to your life. Or somewhere in between?

Laura has a job where most days are different somewhat. She visits doctors and deals with all new problems. She would rather do data entry.













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™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Worm's Tribute

Last night was our 9th annual Halloween party at the youth group. One of my students who I have had from middle school until now, a year after she has graduated came dressed as me. It was really weird and uncanny how much she looked like me, even my mannerisms she had down. I never realized what a caricature I am. It was so funny. She could have been anyone else in the room and no one probably would have known who she was. But because I am the way I am, everyone knew right away. I saw her walking up the street and immediately started laughing. She walked like me, talked like me, gestured like me, did odd stances like me, spoke loud like me, leaned on other's shoulders like me, stroked her beard like me, and so on.

Thanks worm for the tribute.











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™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

I Want To Learn To Sway With The Trees

"It's 3 AM, I must be lonely."

As good as I have felt over the last couple of months, is as bad as I feel now. It is ripping my heart out. I have never been closer to my God, never been so observant of God's Spirit, never tasted more of the Heavenly gift. But now, I don't feel much at all. Depression still comes and it still tears away the joy of being redeemed.

I realize we go through times of trial and testing, but I had really hoped the joy would stay, the hope would be a remnant of what I have in my God. But it didn't. So here I am at 3 AM typing because I don't have the voice or heart to speak it.

God has changed every fiber of me. I think differently, even now, which brings me some peace. He has chosen to keep me sick with depression, for His reasons. But I still hate it...and love it. I hate that I love it. I hate that sadness makes me feel comfortable. I hate that I feel the need to write about it. I feel like a fool doing so because I have just spent the last 2 months telling everyone how God has changed me and how beautiful life is.

He has changed me, but has chosen not to change this. That's OK with me, if it is what God will is for me. I know He doesn't want me to suffer and I know it tears His heart out, but it must be done. It must be done to all of us in one way or another. We must be tested and tried and we must taste some defeat to see what victory really is.

I have been a believer in my Lord now for 12 years. Over the course of that 12 years I have been constantly struggling to keep it together. To keep myself from unraveling and shaming Christ. With God's strength I have grown through all things, and will continue to grow, because if I have learned anything, it is that God will never be finished with me, because I am His son. I just feel so ashamed to feel this way. So dumb to be writing about it, so selfish to put my wife through it. She can see it better than anyone. She always knows even when no one else does. But I force myself to write about it, to share it with others, disregarding my humiliation because I don't want to lie. I don't want to be fake. If you hate me, it is going to be ME that you hate, not some other guy who tries to say all of the right things.

But I do have hope. I do see the other side of the storm. I do remember where God has brought me from. I do know people care. I do know that life will continue and cars will pass by carrying people just like me going to places I have never been. This thought is nice.

I am going to imagine my van tonight and try to sleep.








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™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Camel

Mark 10:17 As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. “Good teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
18 “Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone. 19 You know the commandments: ‘Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, do not defraud, honor your father and mother.’”
20 “Teacher,” he declared, “all these I have kept since I was a boy.”
21 Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” 22 At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.


This passage isn't just about money. The man asks what he has to do to be saved, and Jesus tells him it will cost whatever you aren't willing to give. That's why the man walked away so sad. I like to think he had a change of heart sometime later in his life and gave every dime of that money to the poor, but people are people, so I can't be too hopeful.

Some aren't willing to give our money, some aren't willing to give our time, some aren't willing to give our pain, or loneliness, some our prejudices. Whatever it is that you hold on to and will not give up for God, those things are your idols, your very own golden calves. Even our families. We must realize that our families are not our own, they are God's, given to us, by Him.

Later...

Mark 10:26 The disciples were even more amazed, and said to each other, “Who then can be saved?” 27 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.”

We inherit the kingdom through God's merit and sacrifice, not ours. But that does not excuse our unwillingness to give all you are to God.

My difficulty is with my loneliness and the many ways in the past I have chosen to bring myself comfort. I smoked for years and in time that cigarette became my best friend and I always thought, "Well I still have you." Alcohol was it for a time before I knew God. It helped me sleep, but also in excess was rotting my insides. Substances are an attractive way to cope, but become the most dangerous, thus why I had to come to Jesus on these things. Whatever the vice, they are all silly substitutes for the real deal. Jesus wants us to come to Him and rely on him for comfort, even if it means having to give up something that carries emotional bonds in your mind like cheap substitutes often do. Whatever it is, submit to God, rely on Him, and be free.










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™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Sleep Aids

My latest two sleep aids.


So I have a couple of peculiar new scenarios that I have been using to get to sleep, and these two might be the most effective yet. But they beg the question WTH is wrong with me? Seriously. I will post the two scenarios for the psychologists in the room to analyze what they mean.

1. I sleep in a conversion van with a mattress in the back. I am wanted by some kind of devious government agency and I am in some kind of hiding. It has to be winter time and snow has to be covering the van. The van, when running is charging a battery that will run the small TV, radio and heater all night long. I am alone in the van and hidden from the danger of being found.

2. I am also on the run, but in this one, my family is with me and we are hiding in my house in a war torn area that has been deserted. We stay only in the bedroom and have made a secret trap door under the bed that would hide us under the floor in the case of the authorities searching the place. We seem to be safe.


Seriously, why do these messed up scenarios put me directly to sleep? I think it is odd that I am always in some kind of danger from the outside world, but can never be gotten, but haven't the foggiest what that means.











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™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

Blah

Down today. Exhausted from last week and really would like to rest. I took yesterday off, but had the brakes in the car go out completely. Fixed the front two with money I didn't have just to find out the back was the biggest problem as I watched my brake fluid I put in leak all over the ground. Can't fix back brakes, don't know how, can't afford it, don't have the money for a couple weeks. Blah Blah Blah. I was also told I was surrounding myself with the devil, which was nice, because I sang karaoke at a bar in Detroit for Laura's work. Posted it on FB and in came some very ugly comments that I have deleted. I don't get it, why can't people just live and glorify God the only ways they know how and let God's Spirit do the rest? People seem to be content chained up. But for me and my house, we are free!

People seem to have a lot of fun attacking others without knowledge of their hearts or lives at all. It is weird because I have never had a conversation with either of these people and yet they seem to think they know that my heart is evil and live a double life because I went to a bar and sang a song.

It just shows me that we still have a long way to go in the faith and need to continue firm and solid education into God's Word.











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™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.

I Can't Sing Loud Enough

So Phil Wickham has a new cd coming out and is offering it early on his website. There is this song called "Cielo" where he sings the chorus "I can't sing loud enough, when I am singing to you my Lord." Then later "I can't bow down low enough" Then "I can't reach my hands high enough." This is how I feel today.

If you ever saw "Pursuit of Happiness" you will remember the scene in the end when the guy gets everything he was working so hard and stubbornly for. His eyes fill with tears and he proudly marches down the New York business man streets clapping with joy. I think this is touching because we all long to get what we have always wanted, what we have yearned for all of our lives...Our wedding day, our resurrection, our children's birth. I feel like God had to run me through fire to clean me off, to prepare me for His work. I have been a youth pastor now for 8 years and have always felt this passion for those that are hurting, for those who have been broken into shards, but only now do I really get it. Real joy is really knowing that your life has been lovingly spared for greater purposes, even if just love, the greatest of all. There was that scene in "Fight Club" where Tyler Durden scares the guy and makes him think he is going to die so that when he is spared, life will all of the sudden be beautiful. That is a lot of truth right there. But for me, it isn't being saved from death that does it for me, it is being saved from death by my loving maker...just because He loves me. That is the joy that we need to share with those who don't yet know Christ. The joy that makes you want to clap proudly through the streets for your God and Savior, shout from roof tops...the joy that makes rocks feel compelled to cry out... the joy that makes it Heaven to worship God in His presence eternally.

I know what I am turning into. I am turning into one of those cheese balls that don't seem to know they are acting a fool. I am becoming who I used to avoid, because of my pretension. I am becoming the man God wants me to be.









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I've Made A Lot Of Mistakes

We are a people full of mistakes, but if we never made them, how would we know if we ever got anything right. I fear that I never get many things right. I wish I could go back right now and apologize to every person I have hurt, and I know that number is significant. But I can't, some are gone...long gone.

When I surrendered to Jesus I was dating a stripper at the time. It was a new thing, so I had no real attachment to her except that I got the pain she wore all over her face. I wasn't even attracted to her, there was just something about a broken person that I could always identify with, and still can. I broke off any chance of a relationship with her when I was saved because I wanted no temptations in my life. I wanted to save her though. I knew Jesus did the saving but I wanted to be a part of that, His vessel. So for the next several months, I picked her up for church an hour away and took her out for coffee to talk about God, and God was working! She was excited, she was changing her mind! She even went and bought Christian cds to dance to! But then she embarrassed me. She interrupted our church service a few times and asked all of the women to pray for her to dance really well that night to make more money to get her child back from it's father. I felt for her, but I was pissed. Shame on me. I walked away. Told her I was done and walked away. She called a few months later to tell me she was moving out of state. She said it with such sadness and seemed as if she didn't want to go, she wanted hope back, she needed a friend. I told her good luck and hung up the phone. Most days I remember that. I was green in the faith and had lot's of issues to work out, obviously arrogance and pride were two of them. I get sad when I think about her. I know God controls all things and things go the way they go, but that doesn't get me off the hook for my judgment. She needed gentle correction followed by loving restoration and she got me.

Andrea, if you ever find this obscure page by accident or because God brought you here...I am so sorry. Please do not judge who God is because of what I did and I still pray for you.










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Where Is My Generation?

George Barna, a Christian statistician, say's that 20 somethings are the least likely people in America to attend a church service. This is no real shock as churches around the country have really struggled to reel this age group into lasting service in the church. College is an obstacle as well as juggling schedules, but what bothers me is the fact that so many of the reason's that the 2,000 plus polled gave for not attending had nothing to do with theology. It was things like school, work, etc. Some said the church had nothing to offer them, some said churches were outdated and irrelevant to society. These were the alarming statistics to me. School and work...Whatever. There are campus churches, and there are bodies in the college towns to get involved in. The Church should be first, not attended if you have some extra time and aren't tired from a long week. But to say the church is irrelevant is sad and misguided. The vast majority of the world's services are performed by that "irrelevant" Church. People are fed, crippled are cared for, homeless are sheltered, addicts are counseled and held accountable, hospitals are run, food programs, children are adopted, abortion is fought, art is made, and I do not have the time to write the rest. These are all services necessary for our civilization to function. Christ is at work in all of these things. To say the Church is irrelevant is ignorant. To say that it offers you nothing is an incorrect way of looking at the Church. Do you leave your family because they offer you nothing, or perceive it that way? No. You get involved and care for them, such should be done with the Church. We all know the famous speech by President Kennedy, when he says "And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country."

The same should be said of our churches. We have the tendency to blame the church when we are confronted by people for sin or for our wrong thinking. He hate to be told we are wrong because we are proud, so some of us get angry, shake our fists to the Church and walk away, citing the Church's judgement. We then preach how the Church is close minded and judgemental all because we are too proud to be confronted. Whether the confrontation came in love or not, if it is true, it is true. Jesus was not always gentle in his criticism, He was loving, but He was also sharp at times. Like responding to Peter with, "Get behind me Satan." Truth is truth. Get over it.

Then there are those that cite the Church as boring or just not my style. Wow. Read the Bible, the service described was not packed full of entertainment. They were readings from scrolls. Sounds fun. But it was never all about the format, it was the relationships, and I fear these are what people fear the most and avoid.

Then there are those that never give anything they don't like the idea of, a fair shake. reject it from the get go, and say really dumb things about people who worship.


The point is, the Church is Jesus' bride. His most beloved work. His blood.

How can we walk away and say such things? People are imperfect, but the Church is perfect and should be our greatest mission.










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Weak

You know what is weak? Broccoli. Even weaker? People who live life as if there were no consequences. People who recklessly trample all over another without thought, regard, or apology. A person who probably knows they did it and was wrong, but will never low themselves to apologize. That's so weak.


I can't and won't even talk about the people in the last few years that have just walked all over me without a moment of concern that I have feelings. I won't talk about them because slander is weak. Instead, I will choose to understand that people are people and will always be people who operate on their insecurities and will do whatever necessary to fortify their vulnerability. But as for me and my house, we will remain vulnerable for attack. Because we put ourselves out there. I don't care if people trample me. I don't care if people hurt me. Because I can honestly say that if I am wrong, I do apologize and correct my mistakes. If I am not than I am suffering as Christ suffered. And I rejoice in that. When we expect pain as Jesus told us to, we are not too disappointed when people hurt us. We see it coming because we live putting no one on pedestals. When we get hurt, we forgive, and turn our other cheek to be hurt again. This is the Christian way, because retaliation is weak.

I wish I could say I easily forgive, but I don't. It is a process that I have to practice. Avoiding slander and negative thoughts is a good start. Then add understanding and love to that and you make forgiveness...eventually. I can honestly tell you that the times I have suffered have given me thicker skin.

If you are an abuser and have to show your aggression on others to mask your insecurity. Stop it! That's weak. If you are frequently abused and hold it all in and slander the perpetrator. That's weak too. If you want to drop the gloves with every person that gives you the stink eye. Weak.

Take a step back. Analyze any credence to what the person is saying. Repent of any valid sin, make it right, move on. If there is no credence. Just forgive.












Sing.
Migrate.


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