About Them

   

       
        I've been taught my entire life that Jesus is coming back soon in church.The writers of the New Testiment also told us that Jesus is coming back soon. This gives me the same feeling that sitting in Mr. Winnick's pricipal's office does, waiting for my discipline for mooning the entire 3rd grade class. Obviously there is a big difference in perception of time between us and the writers 2000 years ago...or Jesus returned already and we didn't even notice; a thought more sad than waiting forever. So if we are to see time so linear that soon may be almost forever, than we ought to start thinking about the future with the expectation that we are stuck here for now. We aren't orphans, but currently homeless.

        I told myself this very thing as I slept in my car after high school. Things were going really badly and I was accepting one mistake after another...because I was proud and angry and especially stupid. So in principle, I rejected conditional living and chose to face my mistakes head on...while making new and more audatious mistakes. I slept in the back seat of my car. My back hurt and I would lay awake all night with the awful feeling of a future being flushed away. I had walked away from a basketball scholorship, from any further education...because I knew it all. I didn't ask for advice. I didn't listen to anyone. I just acted out of pure emotion and rage against pretty much everyone. Laying in the back of that car in the cold, I told myself that this was only temporarily and I was only currently homeless. This was true. I got an apartment with friends soon after.

        As I was walking out of the Chinese food take out place tonight on my way home from work, I watched the "Open" sign flash through the reflection of my headlight. The parking lot was empty and the night was particularly dark tonight. I got this lonely feeling that at that moment, there was only me, this flashing light, and a little old Asian woman left in the entire world. It made me think of time. How terrible it is that time passes without you knowing how important it is.

        One day, no one will remember a single thing about our culture experientially. Maybe pictures. That flashing "Open" sign will be a joke of primitive technology. I think we all will be a joke of primitive humanity.

        I write a lot of short stories about the very distant future. One thing that has always intrigued me is wondering what the distant future will think about the things we have left behind. It's kinda sad and lonely and that's probably why I like it so much, but I really never have thought about what the not so distant future looks like. What will my great grand children think of me...if at all. What a disasterous world we have made.

        It is likely that this is not the end of "Us." We should start thinking about "Them."



Sing.
Migrate.


Thanks for reading...Z

Her

   

 
         I'm thankful for my wife. I write about her often because I need to get it out. She hates it. She doesn't like attention...that's me, I like attention: It's like gasoline to me. She is quiet and subtle. She saves everyone in this house and no one knows it but us, so I always feel the need to tell everyone because no one has ever loved me like this. There isn't a place I wouldn't go for her. I'd give everything that I like about myself for her, but she would never ask that of me. She is beautiful. She works so hard for us. She is anxious because she cares so much. She will find me in whatever darkness I go to hide. She will strip away any bravado or membrane I use to protect myself and reach in for my hand. I love her and am so very thankfull for her this Thanksgiving.







Sing.
Migrate.





Thanks for reading...Z

Super Powers

        The world would be a different place if people had x-ray powers that saw into other people's souls, but I don't think we really want to have to see all of that. There are a lot of super powers I would love to have. I would love to fly. It would be so great to feel the wind hit you, then cover you, falling behind as you burst through it's invisible membrane. It would be great to move things with my mind. I'd love to move every slow moving vehicle out of my way during my commute to and from work. People driving slow in the fast lane would finally pay for their ignorance!

        Most of all, I'd like to travel through time. I'd love to go wherever and whenever I wanted without any ability to change anything. Some would say that would be cruel because we often visit our moments of regret in our memories. But I don't regret anything. I didn't do anything that didn't make me who I am. I don't like some things that happened to me and I don't like who I was, but I like that I feel a little better about myself now. I, for the most part, like who I am. There are many things I'd like to change, but I think I am pretty OK in the things that matter to me. I'm a good husband and a good father and I think I'm a pretty good friend.

        I don't much care for the other things. I care for relationships. If we love each other, I'm all in. I'm never halfway about the people I care about. I ask difficult questions and tell you what I really think. I do it because I care and I can't stomach small talk with people I want more from.

        But back to time travel. I'd like to go back and watch all of these moments in my life and learn more. I'd like to learn more about how my memory betrays the truth or how I have blocked out details that change the narrative. I'd like to go back to feel many things I did as a careless and stupid kid again. That's a great super power. The best superpower...because you can't hurt anyone with it. You can only relive your own life moments.



       





Sing.
Migrate.




Thanks for reading...Z