Our hearts were never meant to be broken. We were never meant to feel such pain.
Watched Antoine Fisher last night on cable. Saw it once before. It isn't a great movie by anyone's standards, but for some, specifically those who have lost their parents or never had a good situation growing up, it becomes significant. It is an older movie, so I will not be guilty of spoiling the ending, if you were going to see it, you would have.
In the end Antoine gets this fairy tale ending in which he looks for and finds his family who abandoned him, and while doing so he finds his aunt who embraces him as family and throws a Thanksgiving feast for him regarding him as family to all of his family. Antoine Fisher wrote the film himself and seemingly all of that which was broken became repaired in a Great American Hollywood Ending.
The problem for me is. This is exactly how I wanted things to go when I finally found my father and contacted several members of my family.
Hollywood endings rarely happen. That's why they make movies out of them.
What happened with me was I got rejected again and again, by all I contacted. I was told I was lied to about my family all my life. "Sorry, hope you find the truth." "Can't help you."
The thing is, they could have helped me. Just by acknowledging the truth. I could have walked away smiling then. Because at least I had closure to the situation.
So here I am being asked to forgive people who don't want it, without being able to tell them what they did to me. This kind of forgiveness is the hardest kind. It is the kind that takes your whole life practicing, but never quite reach it.
But I can say this: At least I did all I could and have no regrets. There was nothing more I could do.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Heartbreak
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
The Great Biblical Clause
"But it was funny."
My pastor preached last week about these things. Being renewed, without the ways of our old lives. Living wholesome and Godly lives continually being transformed and renewed by the Spirit of God. It was a great talk, maybe one of the best I have heard him deliver.
Or maybe, just maybe I was impacted because I am guilty of sticking a foot in the waters of my old life. I can't tell you how many times, I spent useful time on things that give no glory to God and no real benefit to me or my spirit. But then said in hindsight, "But it was funny."
Does the ability to laugh at something negate the lifestyle we are called too? I don't think it does. Don't get me wrong, I am not and will never be a legalist. I have seen and found God's glory in a rated R movie and I have also seen blasphemy in a rated G movie. It is the matter of the heart and always takes our own discernment that God has given us to figure out what is appropriate or not. This goes for TV, Music, Food, jokes, and anything else that has the potential for sin.
When we keep one foot in the world, we stunt our spiritual growth. We slow down our momentum as we run the race God has plotted for us. Just like hitting potholes slow you down.
Our faith is about being transformed and renewed always. Unfortunately we do not always recognize when something we enjoy is hurting us.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
My pastor preached last week about these things. Being renewed, without the ways of our old lives. Living wholesome and Godly lives continually being transformed and renewed by the Spirit of God. It was a great talk, maybe one of the best I have heard him deliver.
Or maybe, just maybe I was impacted because I am guilty of sticking a foot in the waters of my old life. I can't tell you how many times, I spent useful time on things that give no glory to God and no real benefit to me or my spirit. But then said in hindsight, "But it was funny."
Does the ability to laugh at something negate the lifestyle we are called too? I don't think it does. Don't get me wrong, I am not and will never be a legalist. I have seen and found God's glory in a rated R movie and I have also seen blasphemy in a rated G movie. It is the matter of the heart and always takes our own discernment that God has given us to figure out what is appropriate or not. This goes for TV, Music, Food, jokes, and anything else that has the potential for sin.
When we keep one foot in the world, we stunt our spiritual growth. We slow down our momentum as we run the race God has plotted for us. Just like hitting potholes slow you down.
Our faith is about being transformed and renewed always. Unfortunately we do not always recognize when something we enjoy is hurting us.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Night Happies
Last night I had this dream, where I moved back into this rat infested house, we used to live in when I was a child. The house was a parsonage that none of the church pastor's would be caught dead living in, so they decided to rent it out. In comes my mother and two little boys. The first rat we saw was in the foyer where you first came in the back door. It was the size of a small cat and was riding my tricycle. My mom called immediately to get the problem fixed, so in American church form, the pastor sent the church janitor to the house with some traps and poison. He got under the crawl space and set them under the house. A week later, the foul stench of rotting cat-like rat came seeping up from under the wooden floorboards. The stink lasted weeks. No answer from the pastor. Once the smell subsided, we thought "At least the rat problem is over with," but we were wrong. I opened the cupboard to get the peanut butter, and what did I see? A rat already making himself a sandwich. We moved out as soon as we could find another dump to rent. This house was a nightmare and brings nothing but bad memories for me. For instance, our only vehicle was a small RV camper. My brother and I loved it. One night, it got stolen by the repo man, never to be seen again. Heartbreak. I hate having these dreams. I always have them too, the ones where your worst nightmares are realized again and again in vivid detail. These are the only nights you do not wake up to use the bathroom, you are stuck.
I hated school so much growing up...still hate it. At least once a month I have a nightmare or "Night terror" of having never graduated and having to repeat grades. Why does this happen? I do not ever, ever have good dreams. And if I did, would we call them nightjoys or nighthappies? Regardless of the word used...someone show me how to have good dreams. Old friends of mine used to tell me that they conduct their dreams and control everything happening in them. Does anyone else do this?
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I hated school so much growing up...still hate it. At least once a month I have a nightmare or "Night terror" of having never graduated and having to repeat grades. Why does this happen? I do not ever, ever have good dreams. And if I did, would we call them nightjoys or nighthappies? Regardless of the word used...someone show me how to have good dreams. Old friends of mine used to tell me that they conduct their dreams and control everything happening in them. Does anyone else do this?
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
The Church Of Who Part 2 (The Reprise)
It is very alarming or a least it should be that the American church is sacrificing and trading in Biblically sound communities for glamour and the allure of going to a "Cool" church. But it needs to be noted that no church has it all, it does one thing well at the sacrifice of another thing. There is balance in the force, at least while we still need to see through frames of sin. If you have a church full of all of the flashiness and splendor of Solomon's house, this is where the energy is spent. What is to be of the discipleship? Evangelism? The worship they have down, at least the smallest part, the singing. Do we need churches that sacrifice discipleship for cosmetics?
We do not, especially when some of these churches are teaching heresy. In my area, there are at least 2 churches who draw large numbers, that teach a gospel other than the one preached by Christ and His followers. Yet they are filling up their beautiful buildings with people desiring an easier church to be a part of, and the churches built in strong discipleship are dropping like flies.
Gal. 1:6 I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel— 7 which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. 8 But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned! 9 As we have already said, so now I say again: If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let him be eternally condemned!
This particular blog may make me unpopular, but what does the Bible say? It does not seem that the vast array of programs and services is a reasonable draw to a community that teaches a false or distorted gospel. If it is a gospel other than the one that Jesus preached, it is heresy. If that encompasses your church, let this passage be your guide to truth.
The church was never meant to be easy. God meant for us to be active and heavily involved in the church...all of us. Church should be hard and full of work, because that is what a spiritually thriving church looks like. Drawing a crowd to draw a crowd is dumb. If you are making your church a really easy and nice place to sit in the seat and listen, and sing, then go home. Don't bother. God called for a dirty church full of people with the Gospel in mind, and sharing that gospel in many different ways. You here the excuse all the time from many mega church leaders that getting them in the door is their goal and let God do the rest once there. So they build a giant and beautiful building, and fill it with thousands of comfortable seats. They do dramas, and high octane videos for viewing pleasure, then they teach a watered down gospel at the expense of the Gospel to account for the unsaved in the room. Never, ever offend is their rule. Then months later, their project is full. Full of people, full of programs, full of crap. Most in the room are left having no idea what the Gospel is really about because they have been seduced by entertainment and comfort. This is not the Gospel or the Church. It is a false rip off of what is far more extraordinary. The life, death, and resurrection of our one and only Savior Jesus.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
We do not, especially when some of these churches are teaching heresy. In my area, there are at least 2 churches who draw large numbers, that teach a gospel other than the one preached by Christ and His followers. Yet they are filling up their beautiful buildings with people desiring an easier church to be a part of, and the churches built in strong discipleship are dropping like flies.
Gal. 1:6 I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel— 7 which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. 8 But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned! 9 As we have already said, so now I say again: If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let him be eternally condemned!
This particular blog may make me unpopular, but what does the Bible say? It does not seem that the vast array of programs and services is a reasonable draw to a community that teaches a false or distorted gospel. If it is a gospel other than the one that Jesus preached, it is heresy. If that encompasses your church, let this passage be your guide to truth.
The church was never meant to be easy. God meant for us to be active and heavily involved in the church...all of us. Church should be hard and full of work, because that is what a spiritually thriving church looks like. Drawing a crowd to draw a crowd is dumb. If you are making your church a really easy and nice place to sit in the seat and listen, and sing, then go home. Don't bother. God called for a dirty church full of people with the Gospel in mind, and sharing that gospel in many different ways. You here the excuse all the time from many mega church leaders that getting them in the door is their goal and let God do the rest once there. So they build a giant and beautiful building, and fill it with thousands of comfortable seats. They do dramas, and high octane videos for viewing pleasure, then they teach a watered down gospel at the expense of the Gospel to account for the unsaved in the room. Never, ever offend is their rule. Then months later, their project is full. Full of people, full of programs, full of crap. Most in the room are left having no idea what the Gospel is really about because they have been seduced by entertainment and comfort. This is not the Gospel or the Church. It is a false rip off of what is far more extraordinary. The life, death, and resurrection of our one and only Savior Jesus.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Monday, August 10, 2009
The Church Of Who?
I wonder what church Jesus would attend if He lived here today? Which denomination if any? Would He start his own church? The name: Church of Jesus Christ is taken. Church of the Nazarene is taken. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saint is taken. Church of Christ is taken. What would He do?
I wonder if He would be sad that His story and Word is not enough for our culture. That we feel the need to add entertainment and glitter to everything bearing His name. We can't sing and dance together in celebration without the $20,000 sound system or the arena full of people and emotionalism while lights dance across the ceiling and smoke is generated to create mystic. Can't we just celebrate and sing together without all that. Do we need carnivals at our services? Is that what people really need? If I want to go get entertainment, I will go to the movies, or a concert. I go to church for meaningful relationships with people deeply in love with God. We could do this thing in a basement with no PA. God is enough. His story is amazing enough without souping it up with artificial sweeteners. This is what people really need in a church.
Here is a list of things prevailant in the church that we don't need and should purge.
Pride, Arrogance, Dishonesty, Disloyalty, Fickleness, Shadiness, Sketchyness, Mona Vie products, T-shirts with our church name written on them, or worse yet, the pastors picture, Arguments, Excessive entertainment, Smoke machines, The Power Team, and Divorce.
This list is not comprehensive, but you get the picture.
I want to see the church who feels unworthy to says God's name, yet rejoices in our right to be children of God. A church where no one has it all figured out, but we plod together following just the Bible. I think Jesus would attend, obviously as the pastor.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I wonder if He would be sad that His story and Word is not enough for our culture. That we feel the need to add entertainment and glitter to everything bearing His name. We can't sing and dance together in celebration without the $20,000 sound system or the arena full of people and emotionalism while lights dance across the ceiling and smoke is generated to create mystic. Can't we just celebrate and sing together without all that. Do we need carnivals at our services? Is that what people really need? If I want to go get entertainment, I will go to the movies, or a concert. I go to church for meaningful relationships with people deeply in love with God. We could do this thing in a basement with no PA. God is enough. His story is amazing enough without souping it up with artificial sweeteners. This is what people really need in a church.
Here is a list of things prevailant in the church that we don't need and should purge.
Pride, Arrogance, Dishonesty, Disloyalty, Fickleness, Shadiness, Sketchyness, Mona Vie products, T-shirts with our church name written on them, or worse yet, the pastors picture, Arguments, Excessive entertainment, Smoke machines, The Power Team, and Divorce.
This list is not comprehensive, but you get the picture.
I want to see the church who feels unworthy to says God's name, yet rejoices in our right to be children of God. A church where no one has it all figured out, but we plod together following just the Bible. I think Jesus would attend, obviously as the pastor.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Calling Out Lance
Busy, Busy, Busy says the bad magician who tried to melt Frosty in the cartoon. Not a really inspiring time to write lately, just so much going on. This has been one of the busiest summers I can remember and I am feeling a bit tired. So much for a nice break while school was out. On the upside I found that cycling is something I really enjoy. I also love to compete, but never have anything to compete at. So I will be training for next year's Tour De France. I also am an extremist and exaggerator. Pat got me an old road bike from Grand Rapids he is bringing home with him and we will be doing some riding mostly at night. Hopefully I will be competing with Lance soon enough.
Is it ok to trash talk Lance before you are good or know anything at all about cycling? I think it is. Lance I am coming for you. What kind of name is Lance anyways? Nice spandex. Live strong and stretchy. Enjoy looking at my butt Lance because that is all you are going to be seeing coming up here some time soon.
I hope Lance reads my blog.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
Is it ok to trash talk Lance before you are good or know anything at all about cycling? I think it is. Lance I am coming for you. What kind of name is Lance anyways? Nice spandex. Live strong and stretchy. Enjoy looking at my butt Lance because that is all you are going to be seeing coming up here some time soon.
I hope Lance reads my blog.
Sing.
Migrate.
™Zombiehaven 2008. All ideas and photos are copyrighted under Zombiehaven. Anything used from this site, must have written permission.
I'm a simple person to figure out. I usually write it all down here. I try not to pretend to be anything. I am what I am and that's good enough until it's not anymore. I want my kids to remember me smiling when I'm gone. Integrity is the very basis of a good life. I love my God, my wife, my kids, my friends, and I try to love all of the rest of you.
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